Musings on Menopause and Empty Nest

None of us know what tomorrow brings, let alone the next decade.  We aren't provided with little informational books telling us what comes next in each of our lives.  And let me tell you, now that I have hit menopause, I wish I had that instruction book.

I remember someone saying to me that I would miss my period once it was gone.  At that time, I thought, 'are you nuts?!'.  I have hated my period since it started.  I always had horrendous bleeding and cramps.  I particularly remember sitting in my French class my Sophomore year of high school, with pain so bad that I was rocking in my seat, shaking, feeling like I was going to puke or pass out.  My period was excruciating and all-encompassing and it made my life a nightmare for at least 3 days of the 7-10 days that I had it each month.  So when the comment was made to me that I would miss it, I thought no way that was ever going to happen.

And then it happened.  I turned 50 and my period stopped.  Well, it took a few years of getting more and more infrequent - first 3 months, then 6 months, then 8 months - before it stopped for a year.  Then my daughters came home from college and had their periods, and I had one final HUGE one, that I thought was going to be the death of me, as my body synced up with theirs.  One last hurrah before official menopause.

When it first left, I felt sad.  And that surprised me.  But for the first time, I was now out of the 'sisterhood of the periods' - that monthly sorority where we all had to deal with bleeding and all the not-so-fun accoutrements that came with it.  I was officially no longer able to have kids.  And I was naively unaware of how detrimental it is to the female body to no longer have that estrogen.  The negative cardiac and bone side effects aren't initially evident and certainly not as in-your-face as the hot flashes and initial hair loss.  You're just living your life and all of a sudden you get HOT - and I mean face-flushing, body-feeling-like-a-thousand-degrees, and sweating everywhere, HOT.  And after a few of them, you are like, OH...this must be a hot flash. And just like that, they are now a part of your life.  You never know when they are going to hit (like at dinner or during the night or any time it is hot).  And then there was the hair loss.  I had NO idea that we lost hair with menopause!  Like a LOT.  Every shower, it would come out by the handfuls.  I literally thought it was going to keep up and I would be bald. And your hair becomes so dry; I went from having to wash it daily since it would be so greasy, to becoming so dry that no way could I wash it daily.  And then there was the brain fog.  If I didn't write things down, I didn't remember them.  And best of all was the RAGE.  The wanting to scream at everyone.  The non-stop frustration.  Oh and the pure joy of finding out that menopause can cause anxiety - what a thrill for someone who has had anxiety most of their life!  And then also hearing about how detrimental losing that estrogen is to our bones and cardiovascular system.  Terrifying!  So HELLO to this next stage of life.  You don't want it to be here, yet, here it is (even though you thought you would welcome it!).  And it really is a big wake-up call to aging and this next, post-menopausal, stage of life. 

But here's the thing, it isn't all bad.  The copious amounts of hair falling out, did stop after about 6 months.  And I just had my haircut and the girl at the salon made a comment about how much hair I had!  I said I lost so much of it through menopause and she said 'if this is you with thin hair, I can't imagine what it was like before!'.  So see - not all bad.  It did come back. And the few years of rage also faded. I had NO idea that the rage was hormone related!  Just thought I was becoming quite the angry person. But then you find others going through it or who already have gone through it, and you feel seen.  There are many social media accounts that are absolutely hilarious in describing all of this stuff. Shared experiences, and laughter, absolutely help us during hard times. And I love the literal bad asses we become, after being told how and who to be our whole lives, we now stand up for ourselves and no longer take the crap.  I am all for that!  When I look back on some of the horrible bosses or even relationships I had, that is one thing I would change if I could - to stand up for myself and not put up with the mistreatment.  Here's to us women finding our voices and our new paths, post-menopause! I have seen so many wonderful stories of women who follow their dreams and create new, amazing lives for themselves in this era!  Love it and hope more do it - I certainly plan to! 🌟

Now on to Empty Nest.  Empty Nest is also one wild ride that we just happen to get on with no forethought, because until then, we are insanely busy living life, raising our kids, doing laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, and working full time!  And then your last kid goes away to college, or leaves the house, and the next thing you know is that you are at the grocery store and instead of a huge cart of weekly groceries, now you barely fill up a little basket.  And that hit me hard.  I found that little basket of groceries so very sad.  It felt like an advertisement that I had an empty nest.  The kitchen garbage can no longer filled up every two days; the dishwasher hardly needed to run.  And the refrigerator and pantry were woefully sparse, for the first time since having kids twenty years ago!

My three girls are now home for the summer.  The twins are officially college graduates; one is going on for a one-year master's program with a semester in Luxembourg.  My youngest just completed her freshman year of college.  And let me tell you, house full = heart full. 💖 My girls are home, and this momma's heart is so very happy (and my grocery cart and fridge are packed!).  I know this time is fleeting.  My girls will soon be spreading their wings and making their own paths, so I am cherishing this full house for as long as I have it.

Heart Full(y) Yours,

Me

Motivational Moment

I like ending my posts with one of my Life’s Little Laughables® whether it be a funny moment (because laughter makes everything better!), a tender moment, or a motivational moment.  Today, I wanted to note my appreciation of not only my twins graduating from college after 4 successful years, but also of the fact that my mom was able to come with us.  We were all healthy to attend both college graduations (and since these were the 2020 high school graduates who didn't get to walk their high school graduation, it was even more special).

One of the many things I love about traveling with family, is that you get to spend quality time together since you are simply hanging out with each other the whole time. When we are at home, everyone is busy doing their own thing most of the time, and you really don't see each other much. Plus, the older we all get, the less time we get to spend with our adult kids as well as our parents.  When travelling, I find it's the little ordinary moments that I cherish.  For example, we had 3 hotel rooms for our family and the hotel offered breakfast.  I loved the chill time hanging out before bedtime as well as getting to enjoy our relaxing breakfast together, before a very busy day of graduation activities and move outs.  There was also the trip to the hotel, where all of a sudden, we were on a 7-mile road that literally looked like it should be a driveway (cue all the horror movies in the middle of nowhere)!  I am pleased to say that everything went pretty perfect for both college weekends (I inherited my planning genes from my mom!).  Cherish all the little unexpected relaxing or funny moments in your travel as well as your day-to-day life; they make our lives so much more enjoyable.

Lastly, I want to mention that I have created an Instagram account, as well as journals, for the Life’s Little Laughables® brand!  So now you can purchase a journal to create your very own cherished memoir of funny and heartfelt life moments as well as follow along and share on Instagram (@LifesLittleLaughables)!  The journals are sold on Amazon and if you record your happy or heartfelt moments in them, these journals will become your treasured keepsakes.

Cherish Life's Special Moments.

Laugh and Love as much as you can every day.

Big Hugs and Love being sent to all as we all navigate our way through this thing called Life!

SG

For The Love Of Movies, Movie Theaters, and Good Memories

I went to the movies tonight, at an actual movie theater, and it felt like I was walking in the past.  Even stopping in the bathroom after the movie, when normally it would be bustling with people, happily discussing the movie they just watched, this time, the big bathroom was eerily empty, reminding me of a ghost town, or a zombie movie where no one else is around.

This makes me sad for so many reasons.  I have always loved going to movie theaters.  I love the escape from reality they offer.  I love immersing myself in a good movie.  I loved going to the movies as a kid, as a teen, and as a parent.  When my daughters were old enough to go to their first animated movie in the theater. it was so special watching them experience the big screen.  And then when the movie ended and the happy music was playing, they would run to the front of the empty theater and gleefully dance and run.  It was pure joy to watch their happiness. A beautiful moment in time; a cherished memory always.  

As mentioned in previous posts, this is my 50th year of life.  Something I still can't wrap my head around.  And the longer we are alive, the more change we will see in how life is lived.  But seeing that movie theater completely empty tonight, broke my heart a little.  And I can't imagine that movie theaters will be able to sustain and stay open if no one is going to them.  Which means this will become an activity of the past, of my past.  One that I enjoyed immensely.  An experience I most likely will not be able to share with my future grandkids.

And as I drove home, on empty streets and closed businesses - that in pre-pandemic times, would have been bustling at 10pm on a Saturday night - the reality of what this pandemic has caused, has changed, just sinks in a little more.  Covid took away so many things.  It goes without saying that the most tragic of these things are the many people who lost their lives to this horrid virus, the families that will never be the same.  But it also changed the face of businesses and places of recreation, of throngs of brick and mortars and city landscapes.  Things we never saw coming, or never dreamt of losing, so soon, so fast. 

I realize this is a melancholy post, and I am allowing myself to feel that tonight.  We have ALL experienced a lot of loss and changes these last two years of our lives, and not all were bad.  But regardless of it all, time marches on.  We will adapt.  We will move forward and keep going, because that is all we can do.  But we are human and we are allowed our moments of sadness.

Hug your loved ones.  Cherish the beautiful moments.

Cherishingly,

Me

Motivational Moment:

The clock just struck midnight and it is now February 13th.  My twin daughters are now 20 years old.  This will be the first time, since they were born, that we will not all be together to celebrate.  This is not for a bad reason, it is because they are away at college.  So it is a good reason.  It is the next step in their life's journey and I am happy they are doing so well.  But as a momma, it is also another milestone in the passage of time in my life's journey and I am allowed to note it and feel it.  I am so proud of my girls.  They are all beautiful, sensitive souls and they are good people.  They make my heart swell with love just at the thought of them.

So I will end this post on a repeat of what I have already said above, and can't say enough in my lifetime:

Hug your loved ones.  Cherish the beautiful moments.  💖

Peace, Love, and Hugs,

SG

How Do You Measure Your Worth?

With May being Mental Health Awareness month, I thought this was perfect time for me to post these thoughts that came to me the other night.

 How Do You Measure Your Worth?  (Spoiler Alert: You don't! The mere fact that you are here is pure celestial gold!)

This question came to me as I was attending an orchestra concert at the high school (the song playing was actually composed by one of the senior students) and it almost had a melancholy/eerie feeling to it.  And by all means, this is not an insult.  Quite the opposite in fact, because I feel that a piece of music that moves you, that transports the audience elsewhere, is truly powerful - and thoroughly enjoyable.

Unfortunately, I was finding myself lacking.  And then I was sitting there almost berating myself for my thought process.  So then this question came to mind ... I literally asked myself, how am I measuring my worth, if I am finding it lacking?

 So let's dive in.

 I was an A student all through my years of schooling, including college. Check mark in the "plus" column.

I have anxiety.  Fear and worry rule my life.  Check mark in the "minus" column.  (Although as I write this, I feel myself already defending me, in that how much can it be my fault, if anxiety was literally in my genetic code, passed down from generations, affecting men and women alike in my bloodline?)

 I have raised three daughters who are also excellent students and good humans.  Another one (or three) for the "plus" column.

 I have had two divorces.  Two for the "minus" column. 

I have successfully worked full-time my entire adult life, being financially stable - despite having anxiety and while having three babies (two of which were twins).  Check, check, check for the "plus" side.

I am intelligent.  I am a highly sensitive person.  I am a perfectionist and I have high expectations.  This is what makes relationships difficult for me.  No one can live up to my high expectations and in addition, they can't evade crushing me at times due to my highly sensitive nature, so I inevitably get disappointed or hurt by perceived slights from them.  And I do realize how difficult it is to live with someone who has anxiety and can spiral when any minor medical issue occurs. 

I am baffled that I am experiencing this momentary worthless feeling. Is this mid-life? Is this the disappointment that I am about to turn 50 years old and I have not accomplished any of what I was "promised" by being a straight A student in school?  I am not in my dream job.  I don't even know what my dream job is.  I feel disappointed. In myself.  With myself.  Oh and add being overweight to my "minus" column, I am not happy that I have gained so much weight and cannot easily shed it like when I was younger (please note - this is my personal barometer and not a condemnation of anyone but myself).   

Why is it not good enough that I did a damn good job in raising three children?  Why is it not good enough that not only have I financially supported myself, but I have supported three daughters, and my household.  Why can't I be proud of me and be happy where I'm at in life?  Is it about purpose? A meaningful job?  Is it that I don't feel needed since my children are no longer dependent little ones?  Why do I always want more than what is my current reality?

Maybe it all comes down to the fact that we are too hard on ourselves. It's like having "compare-itis"; we compare ourselves to others and find ourselves lacking, particularly in this social media world we live in where we can see what we perceive as "happy, successful people" everywhere.

At the end of the day, we need to be at peace with who we are.  For ourselves.  By ourselves.  We have to enjoy every season of our lives because after all, we don't get a re-do.  This is it.  Every season, of every age, is our last to experience at that age.  We can't waste these precious minutes of our lives by feeling not worthy.  We are here.  For that alone, we are worthy.

Worthily Yours,

Me

Motivational Moment:

I wanted to end today's blog with hope.  When one has hope, they have a promise of a new day that can bring a much needed change.  Perhaps it's meeting a new person that can end up being a new best friend or significant other.  Perhaps it brings a new job or a new adventure that ends up being wonderful for you.  Perhaps it's finally coming into your own and realizing that YOU are all that you need and that YOU alone are worthy for a good, satisfying, and peaceful life. And here's the thing, in the darkest of times, one may not feel hope, and it's in those times that everyone needs the message that there is someone they can reach out to.  Whether that be a friend, a relative, or even a stranger that answers the phone of a hotline - literally there for you.  You can look up hotline phone numbers and there are people who want to talk to you and want to help you.  You just need to remember in those darkest times that you are not alone and you only need to reach out to someone.

In closing, if you have hope, you always look forward to the next day and possibly the next new thing.  If you feel you don't have hope, then that is when you reach out to another person and talk to them about how you are feeling, because at the end of the day or during your worst crises, you are not alone.  There are over 7 billion people on this earth, and at any one time, there are thousands, if not millions, going through what you are going through.  So you, my beautiful, troubled, tender souls, just have to reach out and talk to someone and you hang in there until you feel hope on your own accord.

Sending HUGE love and hugs out there to all who are going through (or have gone through) any mental health struggle.  You are not alone.  You are here, on this earth, and you are loved, just simply by being you, you Beautiful Soul.

Peace to your soul, Love, and Hugs,

SG  

Musings on Mid-Life

I have never had a problem with birthdays.  I especially thought people were silly when they talked about how "old" they felt when turning any age in their 30's or 40's. 

All that has changed with me rounding 50. 

I guess I can say I have been in my mid-life crises the last few years.

And a quick aside here ... when I was younger, I had always thought mid-life crises occurred in your late 50s and 60s, but let's face it, not many people live to be 100 or 120.  In fact, now that I'm close to 50, I am surprised at how many people I have heard of lately who have passed away in their 50s or even before hitting 50!

So, if my "mid-life" crises started around age 46 or 47, let's just say I'll be surprised if I survive until I'm 92.  I'm 48 now and I'm amazed at how "old" my joints seem.  They are not happy on most days.  And you can forget jogging or running or biking; I'm lucky some days if I can simply walk from the parking lot to my desk.  And don't even get me started on my dry eyes!!

I digress, as usual.  This is not a lament on my joint pains or anxieties or worries or how I feel the body is just falling apart, yes ... I can go on and on about the myriad of body maladies ... but that is for another day.

This post is about my mid-life crises in the sense that this can't be it.  I'm not in my dream job.  I have not made huge societal accomplishments.  I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up!!  And that scares the crap out of me!  I want to DO so much more, BE so much more than this mere ordinary existence.  I want to do something I am PASSIONATE about, before my time here is gone.  I just have no idea what that should be, and that is what bothers me.  I do, however, feel strongly that the world needs people who are passionate and alive; if everyone was doing what they love, the world would be a much happier place!

Running Out of Time,

Passionately Yours,

Me

(On a side note, this blog was drafted almost 2 years ago, but I somehow never got around to posting it - which ironically goes with my theme of running out of time!!  Anyways, the below conversation was too good to not post, so here it is - even if a little late.  Better late than never folks!!)

Motivational Moment:

Today's Moment is one of my Life’s Little LaughablesⓇ

 My daughter who is 17 and a senior in high school was really stressing out about a homework assignment that was taking her longer than it should.  We had gone out to dinner but there was a half hour wait and that really stressed her out; she did NOT have time to sit there all night with so much homework that needed to be done.  So I said, "No Problem.  We will simply order the food To Go and head home.

On the drive home, she was explaining how she was very unhappy that she couldn't decide on what article to do her assignment on and she had already spent way too much time looking for the perfect article.  She exclaimed: "I'm so stupid!! ...".  And I immediately cut her off.  (This girl has been considered gifted academically since 4th grade and has maintained a 4.0 average all of high school).  So I'm about to get into this big dissertation about how she should NOT talk down to herself like that and it is because she is a perfectionist and that is a trait she inherited from her mom, etc.  and how that trait makes you want things to be perfect so you try harder and work harder and still aren't happy with the results because, let's face it, nothing is perfect!  So all that went through my head in the heartbeat of hearing her stressed out and making that statement.  

Here is how the conversation flowed:

 - 17 yo daughter: " ... I'm so stupid! I'm spending way too much time on the research portion of this assignment..."

 - Me: "Hey!! I WANT YOU TO KNOW ..."

 - 14 yo daughter (sitting in the back seat of the car): "YOU ARE DUMB!"

 
Literally, in a split second, her bratty freshman sister, interjected her wit.  And I have to say, we all laughed.  I said "white flag. I surrender!".  Obviously, we all know she is not dumb and that, in fact, quite the opposite is true, which is why that little exchange was hilarious to me.

I did tell her that she needs to not speak to herself like that.  She can acknowledge that she is a perfectionist and Type A personality and wants things perfect, but in no way should her self-talk be negative towards herself.

Wishing you all laughing, loving moments with your loved ones.

Love and Hugs,
SG

Advice to My Daughters as They Turn 18 and I near 50

When my twins were newborns, a co-worker (who had college-aged kids) said to me: "It goes by so fast, so enjoy it!".  At the time, I was exhausted with two babies and literally felt like college was an eternity away. I was thinking - this time cannot go by fast enough!! However, I was wrong. I wish I could go back to them being newborns and holding and cherishing every moment (even though that really is challenging with a level of exhaustion that is almost unbearable). 

 

My mom has always said that the older you get, the faster the years go.  And the older I get, I find that to be scarily true!  I literally can't believe I am about to turn 50!  This photo is basically this blog in one image - in a blink of an eye, your children grow up ... and your life passes.

I have been thinking about writing this post since my twins turned 18.  That happened in February of 2020, and well, we all know what 2020 brought us.  Ironically, as I am writing this, I feel that the actual year of 2020 was almost as if life was put on hold. The entire year feels like a vacuum in time. I honestly don't know where the year went. Life as we knew it certainly was dramatically different - school was now virtual, all social gatherings were cancelled - at least in large quantities, businesses closed or went virtual (if they could), the world struggled with chaos, crises, and devastating loss.  My daughters had to deal with a virtual graduation from high school; having the end of their senior year occur from our house rather than walking the high school halls as the top dogs; their internships getting cancelled (and I was really excited for them and proud of them for the internships they had set up).  Then as the pandemic continued, they had to deal with their first semester at college being very different than normal with classes being virtual and no socialization.  To say I am proud of these girls is an understatement.  They rolled with the punches and continue to excel.

There is some life advice that my mom passed on to me.  She said: "There's two things that are really important to have in your household.  The first is a really good vacuum.  The second is a good set of stainless steel pans.  And I can say - that was darned good advice.  I have the same set of good quality pans she got me for my wedding - and they still look the same 25 years later.  And I also will say that I LOVE a good vacuum.  I love how the carpet looks and feels after a good vacuum.  I realize that this is not deep level wisdom, however this is good stuff to know when it comes to adulting.

Another piece of Life Advice that I often reiterate to them is to be your own advocate. Stand up for yourself (and your children).  If you are not happy with a doctor - whether it's a vibe or their plan of action or they don't listen to you - if anything doesn't sit well with you, then find someone who you  respect and trust and who does listen to you.  Remember that you are paying them, so they work for you!  Everyone is human and no one is perfect.

Choose a partner who treats you kindly and with respect. If they make you feel bad about yourself, then leave - for yourself. You only get one life, if you are not happy with your current reality, then change it. No one else can do it for you.  Only you will live your life and walk your individual path.

But mostly my advice is to enjoy yourself.  Life is so short.  And genetically, we (our family) are perfectionists, worriers, "A" students, and Type A personalities. We want perfection and success - in our bodies, in our partners, in our homes, in our careers. We stress when we don't get it, but nothing - no person, no body, no partner - is perfect, so we end up being hard on ourselves and our partners. I wish I could easily snap my fingers and change this for you because I know how hard it makes life. But since I can't do that, what I can do is be your advocate, for the rest of my life.  I will be there to help you when you are being too hard on yourself. Us Sensitives suffer, but we also bring so much love and light into this world - which is SO needed. After 49 years of living, I am realizing that it's ALL about the journey and not the NEXT thing.  I once read something about a "next addiction" and I find that it is what I do.  Always planning and/or worrying about what comes next.  But truly what we need to do is to enjoy the now, which means easing up on yourself. You are doing the best you can.

And lastly, to my youngest.  I see you.  Your 18th is 2.5 years away and I am in no hurry to see it come, even though I know you can't wait.

Keep Shining on My Loves!! 

Forever and Always,

Your Advocate, Your Momma,

Me

P.S. The advice I gave to your cousin on his 18th is also advice I love for you (and for all 18 year olds), you can find it here.

Motivational Moment:

Another Life’s Little LaughablesTM: Whenever I think of some sage wisdom that I want my daughters to know, I always used to say: "If I were to drop dead right now, I'd want you to know this piece of life advice..."  One day, my daughter finally said: "Can you think of another, less-morbid, way to word that?!".  So now whenever I want to tell them sage life advice, I simply preface it with "Here is another important thing for you to remember in life...". 

Peace, Love, and Hugs,

Momma (aka SG)

Be The Antitoxin In This Toxic World

Be The Antitoxin.

Let that marinate for a moment.

I was having a conversation with some friends the other day and I mentioned that I was visiting a close relative who always seems to stress me out.  I even went so far as to describe the visit as toxic for me.  The reason it is hard for me to be around this person, is because she tends to be negative and critical about many things.  Being a highly sensitive, it hurts me, depresses me, and wears me down. Whether it be a work relationship or a personal relationship (close family members), when the environment is toxic to me, I just want to escape it.  I am starting to have zero tolerance for toxic negativity and criticism.  I also find it sad and frustrating because, in this particular instance, the person is one that I should feel very close to and as such, I want our time together to be full of love and joy - not negativity.

My friend, Johnny, had the best response to my toxic comment.  He said: "Well, let's all make an effort to be the antitoxin."  (Johnny has a history of saying some of the most thought provoking words to me that seem to light off a spark in my brain.)

One character flaw of mine is reactivity.  If you throw me into a fire (such as a stressful interaction with co-workers or family), I am going to catch immediately on fire.  I wish I could sit here and tell you that I am the fire extinguisher.  Truly, I would love more than anything to be the kind of person that, rather than catch on fire, or fuel the flames, I extinguish them with my calm and cool demeanor.  Unfortunately, that is not me.  Instead, I am highly reactive (flammable) and readily catch on fire when it is thrown my way.  However, I will never give up on striving for my calm!

Back to this antitoxin thought.  As I am writing this blog, not only do I see the super powers of what this would do for my personal and professional life, but I also see what this would do for the world, particularly in our current reality. We are in a year of extreme world stress and strife and the fallout to mental health is being witnessed again and again.  It is a catastrophic year to individuals' state of mind - on a global level.  What a miracle it would be if everyone could take a dose of a "love elixir" (as Johnny put it), and become the antitoxin to this toxic world that we are currently existing in.

Here's wishing a HUGE dose of LOVE, CALM, HOPE, and PEACE enter into us all during a nice, deep inhale whenever we feel us losing our cool and being reactive in a heated situation.

 

Sending out LOVE to ALL,

SG 

 

Motivational Moment:

This Motivational Moment goes out to my CC.  He brought calm and healing into my life during some very dark days.  When I recently thanked him for this, he responded by saying he is merely the band aid and that I healed myself. 💖

May you have people who are band aids in your life who help you heal in your times of need.  And on the contrary, may we be the band aid for others when they need some healing.

Be The Antitoxin In A Toxic World!

Peace, Love, and Hugs,

SG

A Moment in the Life of My Brain

As stated in many of my previous blogs, I have quite the active worrier mind. This entry was going to be one of my quick little Life’s Little LaughablesTM that I add to the end of a blog, but as I was typing it, I realized it was getting too long to be delegated to the end anecdote and thus, here it is, in its full blog glory:

This entry is a little snapshot of the ocean-sized difference between my anxious mind and a non-anxious (aka extremely calm) mind.

So, as is typical with my anxiety, something that would be no big deal in most brains, was a big monster growing in my brain.

This silly little topic is about flowers. In particular, these cute little yellow flowers that were bought for me, by my daughters, for my birthday.

I planted them in this big pot that is out in my driveway. They were planted side by side with a purple flower. (You can tell how adept I am at gardening by my very technical terms of "yellow" and "purple" flowers.)

Well ... the oddest thing started happening with my yellow flowers ... I swear they started smelling like garbage. And not only that - they had become infested with flies (which I didn't realize until I put the garbage can out by them for ONE night and the next morning the lid was covered in maggots). Yuk!!

About one week after that grossness (yes - another technical term), I noticed that not only were there flies everywhere, but now there were bees and wasps on these yellow flowers (I'm all for the honey bees, just not the wasps and flies).

So this is where my brain differs from the average calm brain:

 - This flower is going to continue to attract bees and wasps and flies until I have a huge infestation.
 - The house already has ONE fly in it from this pot being by the garage door, so this is going to become a HUGE problem.
 - If I try to remove these flowers, I will get stung by the scary wasps and bees.
 - If I spray pesticide on them, it will ruin the dirt for other flowers.

*mind spends some additional time on worse case scenarios*
*texts daughters about these armageddon flowers they bought me*
*decide to go splash white vinegar on the flowers to get rid of all insects so that flower removal can commence the next day and thus avoid armageddon*
*on way out the door, stop and ask boyfriend if all scary flying insects go to bed at night "somewhere"; he assures me they are back in their home (wherever that is!).*
*Boyfriend inquires as to what I am doing, so I fill him in on the white vinegar plan*
*Boyfriend walks out to scary flower pot with me.*

Him: "I'll just pull them out and throw them in the woods."

Me: "What - with your bare hands????  Don't you need a shovel and a wheel barrel?!!  What if you get stung????!!  Wait - let me turn on the light!"  *starts running into the garage*

Him: *grabs flower stems* (which all come out in one bunch since they were just transplanted from a pot a few weeks ago) *walks to woods and tosses them out*

Me: *standing there in shock at how incredibly fast, simple, and NON SCARY that was!!!*

Yup - just another daily moment in the incredibly exciting brain of mine.

Never-the-Dull-Moment Yours,

SG

Motivational Moment:

Of course this entry needs to end with a Life’s Little LaughablesTM (as if this entire entry isn't already one):

A few days before I noticed the flies and bees, a pest control company stopped by asking if I wanted to join their service, like a bunch of my neighbors. I kindly replied that I am happy with my current pest control but I wished him well.  He, of course, kept trying to sell me his service, so I kindly wished him well again and shut the door.

So in my mind - it was this dude who dumped some "garbage smell juice" on my flowers as he walked away with no sale.

#ConspiraciesRus


And if anyone happens to know what these yellow flowers are - and if they are supposed to smell like garbage or if my suspicious mind is correct - feel free to let me know.

Peace, Love, and Hugs,
SG

For The Love of Calm

This post is a shout out to all of the truly calm souls out there!  Us highly sensitive and anxious souls TRULY appreciate you.  We appreciate your calm waves that you naturally put out that soothe us, not only in times of crises, but even with daily overwhelm that occurs.

I was talking with a friend of mine today and it inspired me to send this quick Thank You out into the world for calm souls.  My friend "Lola" is one of these people.  She is chill ... calm ... peaceful.  Everything my anxious soul would love to be, but was not gifted as genetically.

Lola and I are both currently out of work for different reasons.  Lola and her husband moved to a different state to be by their children and grandchildren. I lost my job due to budget cuts.

On a daily basis, Lola is cracking me up with her efforts to find a job - as well as with the variety of jobs she is applying for.

Today, she mentioned she is applying to be a 911 Dispatch Operator.  This highlighted the extreme differences in who we are.  The thought of me having that job - well - it's actually unimaginable - for all of the obvious reasons of who I am.  Every time the phone rang, I would be in a panic over what emergency was on the other end.  And then I would be thrown into more of a panic, hearing about the panicky emergency.  Lola, on the other hand, is calm down to her soul.  She would be able to stay calm and handle the situation appropriately, thus being of great help to the person in need, on the other end of the line.

So this, my friends, is the entire point of this quick little blog today:

From the bottom of my heart, to the depth of my soul, (and any other appropriate analogy you can think of), I am extremely thankful and grateful for all of you calm souls out there!  Whether you have jobs in the emergency fields, helping others in their most scary time of need, or if you are simply a calm lifeline to someone in your life, you are all angels here on earth and we love you and appreciate you.

To my dear friend Lola, I thank you for all of the beautiful, soothing calm (as well as all the laughter) you have sent my way throughout our many years of friendship.  I wish you the best of luck with your job search and hope it ends with a role that helps others in their times of need.  You are the best.  Love you.

Gratefully Yours,
SG

Motivational Moment:

In the same theme as today's blog, this is a moment of gratitude for those in our lives that help us through tough times.  The world, as a whole, is currently experiencing a scary health crises that we have never had to face before.  Social media and the news inundate us constantly, and while I agree it is wise to be educated for the effort of prevention and saving lives, the downside of that is a colossal fear out in the collective population.  Since I am no expert by any means, my simple words are what work for me and my anxious soul: take time away from social media and the news, and do things that relax you - such as walks in nature, talking with calm souls or with friends that make you laugh, reading books, dancing, listening to music you love, spending time with your pets, getting a massage, watching movies, etc.  The important thing is that you do what works for YOU to relieve stress and allow you to relax - so whatever "that" is - go do more of "that" during these universal times of stress.

Peace, Love, and Hugs,
SG

The Only Constant in Life is Change

And just like that, with the snap of his fingers, they were gone.

Being a highly sensitive, I love movies.  I get immersed in them.  It's an escape from my own reality, which, let's just say, is an anxious one.  (To those that don't know, I am referencing the Avengers Infinity War movie in that first sentence.)

Some of the top stressors in life are: death of a loved one; major illness; divorce; moving; and job loss.  I have gone through three of the five in the last four years (two of which occurred in the last year: moving and job loss).  Ironically, even though I am Miss Anxiety, I am doing okay.  Mainly because I think the hardest for me to deal with would be some catastrophic illness like cancer, or the loss of a child.  My heart goes out to anyone who has to endure such heart breaking sorrow or pain.  And I still have yet to write about my divorce, but feel that long enough time has passed for me to be healed enough to do so; however that is for another day.

Today's blog is about unexpected job loss, which is why I refer to that scene from Infinity Wars, although I realize that comment mostly refers to death.  Death is the ultimate disappearing act from the living; whereas loss of a job, is merely you disappearing from that place of work.

Last week, I had the surreal experience of sitting at my desk and having my VP come up to me and say: "Can you come with me for a moment".  And just like that, I walked away from my desk, never to return.

My place of work went through budget cuts.  It happens.  It's a reality for many people and many businesses.  It's a reality of life.  In fact, it happened to me before (23 years ago) at my first job working at a hospital.

This morning, as I laid in bed, I was imagining all of us who were let go basically evaporating from our workplace.  And for those remaining, this first week has all of them walking around with our disappearance laying heavily on their minds; with our ashes, so to speak, floating in our empty cubes.   (On a side note, I will add that I truly wish all of them the best and I have no hard feelings because it was a business necessity to downsize.)

Today's musings are more about my identity.  My first day waking up and not having a job to go to had me feeling a little lost.  What is my purpose? Why am I here?  The busywork of going to a full time job every day gave me a purpose.  But even as I type that, I cringe.  This job was in no way my life's purpose.  In fact, I get more impassioned the more I think about that.  I am a people person.  I am a nurturer.  I am a mom to three amazing daughters.  I am an encourager, supporter, motivator to those around me.  I am not meant to sit at a desk all day, not doing those things.  There is much more to life than merely existing.  In fact, recently, I keep hearing and seeing this quote more and more: "You are not here to merely survive.  You are here to THRIVE."  Amen.  That has been resonating with me so much of late.  I don't want to merely survive.  To merely exist.  To go to a job I am not passionate about and literally waste away.  In fact, if you are not living your true passion and are merely existing, all you feel is the miseries of life.  The aches and pains and illnesses.  We all have our own unique gifts and talents that we are meant to share with the world.  When we can live to our full potential and beauty, then THAT my friends is THRIVING.  And that is exactly what I want to do...plan to do...WILL do...AM doing by writing this blog!

So, my wish for you today my friends is this...may you THRIVE!  May you live life to the fullest, using your natural gifts, and truly love it!

For now, I am going to truly enjoy every minute of my current reality.  And there is so much to enjoy...particularly not having to wake up early (I am so NOT a morning person!), not having to always be in a rush to get things done before and after work, not having to constantly be stressed because there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done when you are at your job for 9 hours a day, etc.  However, since I did not win the lottery, a full time job will once again be my reality at some point.  But until that time, I will read and write and organize my home and chill with my daughters, as much as I can.  And I will continue to find ways in which I can thrive, since life is so short and precious.

Thrivingly Yours,
SG


Motivational Moment:

Today's Moment is one of my Life’s Little LaughablesTM.  And although it is not a laugh out loud one, it gives me a chuckle about human nature.  Human nature is the immediate spreading of shocking news.  Maybe it's because most of us are bored and we like the thrill of the shock. I thought it was funny at how many people reached out to me immediately after I was let go.  Many of these people no longer worked at my place of employment (some even out of state), however news travels fast.  The beautiful thing here is that they all wished me well.  That's the beauty of being a highly sensitive and a people person.  I truly wish people well.  I want them to be happy.  I encourage and support them. So it was beautiful to experience these wishes towards me from so many of my current co-workers as well as former ones.

I wish you all love and support, not only during life's stressors, but at all times.

Peace, Love, and Hugs,
SG

Beautiful Soul

Loving, selfless people amaze me.  Inspire me.  Humble me. 

It is so common to see selfish people; condescending people; not kind people; even just plain jerks.  Thus, when I witness true selflessness, as well as the simple, all-encompassing, deep love of a mother, it melts my heart to the core!

I have the pleasure of working with such a beautiful soul.  She is such a sweetheart.  For the purpose of this blog, I shall call her Ariel since her and I love the beach and wish we were mermaids.  She is always kind to others.  She works full time during the day and then on evenings and weekends, she is either helping out her husband with his company, or cooking meals for her children and grandchildren.

Her life is not easy.  She works hard.  And yet she stays so nice.  Mind you, the fact that I appreciate this so much, tells you I get stressed and overwhelmed and downright grumpy.  I am in awe of her.  Her life's story is one of love, despite difficulties.  Ariel comes from a family of 8 kids and her husband comes from a family of 10 kids. They were married at age 16.  Ariel's father passed away from a heart attack at age 43.  Her mom's brother came to live with them and she said he was so fun.  Her mom passed away 3 years ago at the age of 89.  She has so much love for her mom that she tears up to this day when she talks about her.  She sounds like she was also a beautiful, loving soul.

Her recent experience with her daughter is just one small example of who she is.

Ariel has an adult daughter who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  Lately she has been struggling with her medication.  She had an episode recently where she was found on the road by police, sitting in her car, and she didn't know who she was.  She was admitted into a mental health facility for 3 days.  My friend had a very rough time that first day and was very unhappy how her daughter was treated, but there was nothing she could do and that broke her heart.

The 3 days came to pass and her daughter was stabilized.  When she was released, she had an appointment set up with her psychiatrist because the mental health facility doctor felt she was not on the right medicine.  The problem was that she couldn't get in to see her doctor for three weeks - which is an eternity when someone is not on the right med and going through a crises.

Well she made it through the weekend ok but then Ariel wasn't at work.  When she came in the next day, she told me what happened and it broke my heart.  Her daughter was very agitated and not sleeping.  She called Ariel at 2am.  She was sitting in her boyfriend's car at her dad's company.  Ariel tried getting her in her car but she didn't want to go home or to her place.  So what did she do?  She ended up walking up and down the road for over an hour.  At 3am.  Ranting and raving.  In a black trench coat.  What did Ariel do?  She followed her up and down the road, lighting her way, making sure she was safe.  For an hour.  At 3am in the morning. 

When Ariel finally did get her daughter home, she only slept an hour and a half because she's not sleeping on this medication - which is causing a lot of the problem.  Ariel ended up being awake from 2am the one morning, until midnight the following night.  And then she came to work the next day.  If that were me, I would have called off for a second day and spent the day in bed. 

Ariel's response?  "I love her so much and will do whatever I can to help her find some peace."

This, my friends, is beautiful, selfless love.

May we all strive to give it and be lucky enough to receive it.

Hugs and Love,
SG

Motivational Moment:

I thought it was very fitting to post this blog in the month of May since it is Mental Health Awareness Month.

To all those suffering with mental illnesses, my heart goes out to you and my hope is that you have loved ones that stay by your side through good times and bad. 

There are many negative connotations to the internet age and social media; however there are also many positives, particularly when it comes to finding support for whatever you are going through. 

25 years ago, when I first started experiencing panic and anxiety, I didn't have support groups on the internet to reach out to; whereas today, you can find information, support groups, self help tips, pretty much anything you can think of that can help you through your dark times.  Recently, I have found amazing, beautiful souls on Instagram who are suffering with many different things, from addictions to anxiety, panic, depression, and bipolar disorder. They are the individuals who spread the most hope, kindness, understanding, and sunshine despite the pain and suffering they are going though, maybe even because of it.

May you have all the love and support you need, not only during your difficult times, but throughout your life.

A Mother's Love

Unconditional Love.  That is what all Love should be.  Whether it's for a parent, a child, a sibling, or a significant other.  Love, in its true essence, is unconditional.  However, I find in my perfectionism, that while I have it for my children, I don't have it as naturally for my significant other.  In fact, I tend to be much more critical of my significant other, even though I wish that was not the case.  How much easier life - and certainly marriages - would be, if we all loved everyone in our lives unconditionally.  *sigh*  Utopia. And here I go again wishing for all to be perfect.

Well, since I can't obtain perfection in all things, I will say that being a parent has shown me that it is unconditional love, or certainly as close to it as truly possible.  As evidenced by my feelings towards my daughter and the Mother's Day card she made me this year:

She is 12 years old (going on 20).  Her cards are typically written with such love and sweetness that I treasure them, particularly since she has become quite surly in the last two years.  But this year's card matches her current personality (well, when she's tired, that is).  And it made me laugh in its brutal honesty.  I will say that when she's not crabby, she actually has a wonderful sense of humor that I am truly enjoying.  All I can do is love her.  She's currently my little punk, but I still love her unconditionally.

Oh, if only I were like that in my romantic relationships.  Poor guys don't stand a chance.  ;-)

Keep Lovin On,
SG

Motivational Moment:

One of my Life’s Little LaughablesTM: with the aforementioned daughter of mine. 

The following conversation occurred driving home the other day:

Me: I have got to lose this gut!!
Her: What is your 'gut'?
Me: My fat belly!
Her: So the saying "listen to your gut" means "listen to your FAT?!"

For The Love of The Happy Couple - Part 1

I'm intrigued with long-term couples who seem to be truly happy and in love with each other.

In a society where half of the marriages fail, and the majority of the remaining half don't seem happy, I want to learn about the ones that seem truly happy.  What are the ingredients that make this possible?  Everyone gets married with the hope of the happily ever after, but so many of us fail in that (myself included).  Thus, in the effort of fixing what is broken, I want to learn about what makes it work in those successful relationships.

By all means, I am not an expert in anything.  This is merely my attempt at understanding and bettering my human experience.

Today's blog is about Maggie and Jake.  They preferred for me to write an anonymous blog and as such, those are not their real names.

Maggie is larger than life. She comes from a loving, Irish Catholic family where her father, grandfather, and uncles were all in the police department. She recently retired from an impressive career in Sales.  I say it is impressive, because so many of her customers truly love her.  She is close with many of them, such that she has been invited to their homes and children's weddings.  In fact, when she retired, one of her accounts flew her and her husband out to them for a nice dinner and weekend.  It is just who she is.  She always has a wonderful, positive attitude and is a very friendly person to everyone. There is not a negative bone in her body. She is chill and doesn't get worked up over many things.  She encourages those around her.  There is no such things as business setbacks for her since she is able to find a way around the majority of obstacles set before her.  I truly enjoyed working with Maggie, as she is a mentor to me both professionally and personally, with her optimistic spirit.

Part of me thinks the key to a successful relationship lies in having at least one partner who is the chill one; one that not merely tolerates but that actually enjoys the antics of the more uptight or wild partner.  This is how I see Maggie and Jake's relationship.  Jake has been retired for a few years.  And whenever Maggie talks about Jake, she says how lucky she is to have him.  They have been together 30 years.  They met through work.  Maggie was a Sales Person who made routine calls at this business and Jake would make service calls at this business.  Jake would find out when Maggie's visits were and would schedule his for the same time.  They were engaged one year after they met; however I was so surprised to learn that they didn't get married until 18 years later!  I asked what finally made her do it after all those years.  She said: "He said my shelf life was expiring."  They eloped on a beach since they didn't want to deal with the multitude of family and friends who would have wanted to have a say in the big event.

Jake is a truly wild and carefree spirit. In retirement, he has many weekly get-togethers, such as lunches with two different groups of retirees, shopping trips with a childhood friend, band practice in which he plays the accordion.  Here are a handful of events that truly describe his essence:

1. He was the Master of Ceremonies at his 50th high school reunion.  He spoke over an hour to laughter and applause. 
2. Him and the lunch gang (4 men) saw an advertisement for $99 flights to Iceland, so the 4 immediately booked a 10 day trip and then informed their unsuspecting wives!  (What is even more amazing to me is that all 4 wives were fine with this little impromptu trip to Iceland!). 
3.  One day he headed out to buy flowers and planters and instead came home with a $1600 stainless steel canoe (which you better believe they used!).
4. He bought a custom size king bed (larger than a California King!), to which she had to order custom bedding as well as a step stool. The ironic story here is that he sleeps right against her, so over half of the bed is empty!

She just laughs at his antics and says she is the luckiest woman in the world.  After she tells me a story about one of his crazy adventures, she simply laughs and says she adores him. "He's so cute.  Why would I get mad?"   (Let's just say that I would not have the same reaction were I in her shoes.)  Perhaps that's the answer to a happy and long lasting marriage: Appreciation and Acceptance.  Perfectionism and control issues are the opposite of appreciation and acceptance.  Isn't that the true meaning of love, to truly appreciate and accept an individual, wholly for who they are?

Maggie and Jake have such a true love for life and each other.  They are constantly having friends and family over and fly out of state on a regular basis to their daughter's house.  Maggie told me one day this last fall that they went to the afternoon football game downtown with 2 couples, then had dinner downtown and then met 3 other couples for the evening baseball game.  They are amazing socialites with a true Joie de Vivre!

 I keep telling Maggie that her and Jake should routinely write about their escapades, for they truly are hilarious; however, they are too busy to do it. 

Love truly is what makes the world go round.

Live in Love,
SG

Motivational Moment:

Today's Moment is one of my Life’s Little LaughablesTM:

I have a friend at work who is always very encouraging to me.  The other day we were walking down the hallway together and he asked how I was doing.  I said I had a lot going on.  He said: "I'm not worried.  I know you can handle it."  His encouraging words brought a smile to my face.  I said: "You just made my heart swell."  His immediate response: "We're Happy Swellers. Instead of Happy Fellers, we're Happy Swellers! You make my heart swell all the time!"

Wishing you all moments of giving and getting "Heart-Swelling" throughout your day!

Hugs,
SG

Love Is The Answer

I haven't written in a long time because, well, my life has been crazy for the last two years.  However, I feel it is a good sign that I am once again motivated to write my meanderings.  (And a shout out to my Tina girl who is such an awesome supporter of my writing.  Thank you my friend!) 

 

After several years of surviving a life transition (aka divorce) I feel like I am finally over the devastation (most of it self-induced due to over-thinking and being too hard on myself) and on my way to enjoying some of the best years of my life as I learn to love and accept me for who I am.

 

I am a sensitive soul.  I have anxiety and panic.  I over-think and over-analyze and I worry too much.  And while some day I may delve into writing about those topics or about my journey the last few years, today's post is about positivity, particularly because of all the negative world events transpiring.  As human beings, it is not healthy for us to solely concentrate on - or glorify - or magnify the horror (this does not mean we don't take needed action, it just means we focus on what is good particularly in difficult times, as that is what helps us survive).  We need to live each day as peacefully and happily as we can.  Life is short.  It goes by fast.  We do not know what day will be our last. So we need to love.  We need to love one another and love ourselves.  We need to realize that everyone is a human being ... born into this world through no choosing of our own ... and we all need love to survive.  Love truly makes the world go round.  Love motivates, encourages, and heals.  It makes our happy days brighter and our difficult days do-able.

 

The upside of being a sensitive soul, is that I am very touched by love and beauty.  Lately, I have seen so much love around me and I am humbled by it.  And have you ever noticed that when you think about a particular subject, you happen to notice it so much more?  Such a cool phenomenon.  

 

It melts my heart when I hear about friends who are wonderfully giving and loving to their family and friends.  I am lucky to work with some of these beautiful people.  One friend is 65 and offers much emotional and financial support to her daughter and grandchildren.  Another friend sat up all night with her adult daughter when she was devastated over bad news.  This friend also opens her house to anyone that needs it and always offers to help people.  She is self-less and kind.  Another friend helps her husband out with his own business after she finishes her full time job.  She also makes her grandkids whatever they want for their birthday dinner, no matter how extravagant.  These ladies are calm and loving and truly beautiful souls.  It is a pleasure working with them and knowing them. 

 

My heart is also touched when I see random acts of kindness from strangers, and this can be as simple as someone holding a door for a stranger or helping them pick up something they dropped or a kind smile or encouraging word. I love hearing the stories of strangers who pick up the bill for the person behind them in fast food drive-throughs or at restaurants.

 

Even on social media, there are outpourings of love for strangers, as witnessed during tragedies.  On a large scale, we see thousands of people donating food and money for hurricane victims; on a small scale, we see individuals supporting other individuals.  I  have recently started following many people on Instagram who have anxiety and panic, and the inner circle of beauty and support that is shared amongst this group of strangers is inspiring and uplifting. 

 

In Closing, I have often said that a dream job of mine would be to interview and write about loving relationships that last through the years and that truly shine with their love.  I'm intrigued with these couples and how they manage to last for decades.  There are so many failed marriages, whether they actually end in divorce, or they stay married but one or both parties are miserable (which I also consider a failed marriage).  In the U.S., 1 out or 2 marriages end in divorce and subsequent marriages have even higher divorce rates. And if 50% end in divorce, I would say more than half of that remaining 50% are not happy.  What are we doing wrong as a society that so many of us fail in marriages?  Is it how we are raised? Is it the fairy tales? Is it selfishness?  The fact that it is so widespread, tells me it is a society-wide issue (at least in the United States). It is the sensitive soul in me that is bothered by this.  When two people get married, they are so in love and hopeful for their happily ever after.  Where and why does it go wrong for so many?

 

People always say don't put off doing what you enjoy; you need to do it now and enjoy living. Carpe diem!  I am hoping to write about relationships that are truly successful (and by successful - I distinctly mean in which both partners are happy and satisfied with their partner and their relationship). My next blog is going to be about a co-worker who truly has a relationship that works well and is full of love.

 

A Lover of Love,

Me

 

Motivational Moment:

 

Today's moment is a celebration of the start of Fall.  Fall is such a beautiful season with all of the leaves changing.  It is also a great time to enjoy bonfires and roasted marshmallows. 

 

 

 

 

Wishing you beautiful days where you get to enjoy some much needed peace and relaxation. 

 

Hugs,

SG

I'm All Things Chicken

A co-worker and I were having a conversation the other day about what we liked eating for dinner.  She said that she loved steak and I immediately responded: "I'm all things chicken!". 

This statement immediately made me laugh as I realized just how deeply true it is, not only in referring to my dietary preferences, but also in referring to who I am (and have been my entire life).

Being All Things Chicken

For my entire life, I have been a very accomplished worrier.  I developed panic attacks and anxiety when I was 20, but even as a young girl in elementary school, I remember not being able to sleep over a friend's house because I was too afraid to be away from home.  I am sure that there are many things that made me this way - from a genetic predisposition from both my maternal and paternal sides of the family - to the fact that my alcoholic father passed away when I was 4 years old and the chaotic life that is my mom.  The purpose of this blog entry wasn't intended to dive into the many possible reasons as to how I became who I am (although I welcome all philosophical discussion as to what makes us who we are as adults), it was inspired by that spontaneous comment about dinner that just so happens to also describe me.

I am coming off of a pretty rough month due to my mom being hospitalized for a week with a bad leg infection and at the same time I also came down with a cold.  And because when it rains it pours, my asthma-prone daughter then developed a fever that lasted 5 days and was pretty rough.  I was exhausted and worried and stressed.  And then (not surprisingly) I had an emotional outburst with my boss (and no - I wasn't sobbing, I was defending what a stellar employee I am 😏 during a conversation about seminar travel, of all things), which did not go over well whatsoever.  (He was not to be disrespected like that, as he let me know the following week.)  Blah, Blah, Blah, I digress.

The Dark Days of Divorce

I always thought that I was a pretty intelligent person, a quick learner per se ... however, my emotions were very slow to the table with adapting to life after divorce.  (I know that I am not the quickest to adapt to change, but usually I bounce back a lot faster than a year!)  I think it's the perfectionist in me.  I hate that I am not the perfect mom for my girls.  I hate that my failed marriage can negatively affect their current lives as well as their adult lives.  I hate that I continue to worry about this and feel sad about this.  I know that no one is perfect and that we all do the best we can in life.  No matter who you are in this world, you are human and as such you are not perfect. You will have happy days and sad days, healthy days and sick days, days full of love and days full of sorrow.  I realize that I am not saying anything that is an eye-opening breakthrough, but I am finding it cathartic to write it.  I tend to get stuck in my head with my thoughts/worries and talking with someone, or writing, helps me push through the thoughts rather than letting them circle in my mind.

When you get divorced, they tell you that the current statistic for failed marriages is 50%.  One out of two marriages end in divorce and that percentage is even higher for subsequent marriages.  Depressing statistics.  And it seems to me like the majority of that remaining 50% are not happy and shouldn't be married.  Why is it that so many of us fail at the institution of marriage?  How do we lose our way?  Do we all have too high of expectations of our significant other or of marriage itself?  Do we get lost in the busy day-to-day of raising children and working?  Everyone enters into marriage with the hope and love for happily ever after, 'til death do us part; so why do so many fail?  Why are so many miserable?  When I see truly well-matched and successful marriages, I want to delve into why and how it worked for them.  It does seem that there is always one partner in those happy-appearing marriages that are very calm and patient or at the very least are able to indulge the other.

To anyone else going through a divorce right now, or who are in the first year or two after a divorce, my advice is to be patient with your life process.  Some days all you can do is survive - and that is an accomplishment.  Time does heal wounds; the passing of time helps mental as well as physical wounds.  Hang in there.  Envision the Phoenix rising from the ashes.

Besides time helping you heal, there are some awesome people that shine during your dark days.  A little shout out to just a few of the beautiful souls in my life during this difficult transition: My Tina-girl who is always so positive, supportive, and calm about life and has such good, sane advice. Trace - for your almost daily support getting me through the lows and the worry and the panic.  Little Red - for being on an amazingly similar journey at the moment; I enjoy riding the roller coaster with you.  And to CC, who I am not sure how I would have survived the last year without your calm, loving support and sense of humor.

My advice to anyone currently in a dark place: reach out to those lifelines that are offered to you by others in your life.  We are all here together trying to survive as best as we can through life.  Lean on others during your dark days and in turn, offer your shoulder or ears or arms to someone going through their dark days.  The loving and healing power of hugs is a true blessing during hard times.

After living a life of fear and worry, how awesome would it be if I could shed those fears and worries and go live by the ocean after my youngest daughter graduates from high school?!  As of now, I am thinking positively.  My 5 year plan is to have my toes in the sand.  I have read many accounts of people who start living their dreams after the age of 50, it inspires and motivates me.  It is never too late to start living your dreams.   


Surviving and Starting to Dream Again,

Me


Motivational Moment:

Today's Moment is a Life’s Little LaughablesTM:

The other day I was walking out of a doctor's appointment with my youngest daughter (who is now 11).  She has had a pretty rough two years with the divorce (the first year of me and her dad living separately was the hardest, this last year she has started to come around again and it makes my heart smile).  As we were walking out of a good check up with her Pulmonologist, her and I were in a light-hearted mood.  As described above, we were just coming out of a rough two weeks and at the doctor appointment I found out my favorite doctor was leaving the practice.  I said to my daughter: " We have had a few tough hits these last two weeks, it is time for some good wins to come our way!" To which she immediately responded: "There are good winds in the mountains."

Even though she thought I said 'winds', I truly enjoyed a light-hearted laugh with this kiddo.  Definitely heals a momma's heart seeing a daughter in a better place.  💖

A Few Of My Favorite Fall Things

 

Today was an unbelievably beautiful Fall day - and I almost missed it.  As is my typical mode, I was harried and stressed.  Work was busy; my to do list after work was busy.  However, luckily for me, I acted on a pure whim (in between getting dinner in the oven and picking up kids) and decided to rake the latest accumulation of leaves in the front yard.

 

This spontaneous decision turned my day around and allowed me to thoroughly enjoy the beauty and splendor of the season.  Today was an unusual gem in that it was 75 degrees in Ohio on November 1st!  After spending the day stressed out in the office, it was like Heaven being outside, in the warm weather and sunshine, basking in the beauty of nature in Fall.  My head cleared of all the stress that was running wild through it and I was able to breathe and enjoy my surroundings! 



The Natural Beauty of the Season!

 

Getting started



A Creative Soul's Leaf Angel attempt



Not quite the same effect as a Snow Angel, but the beauty was in the journey!





 

C'est fini!  Another beautiful moment enjoyed to the fullest!

 

 

I have always loved raking leaves.  I love the Fall weather.  I love the Fall scenery.  I love the well-defined sense of accomplishment.  Love, Love, Love Fall!

 

Here are a few more Fall favorites:



Woolly Bear!  Love these guys!



Sweets from my Sweet on Sweetest Day!

The Creative Soul's little creation

And last but not least, let's not forget Daylight Savings Time.  I LOVE the "Fall-Back" of the clocks!  I love the extra hour of sleep!  I am NOT a morning person, so this time change is a blessing compared to the "Spring-Forward" time change in Spring.

Loving Every Moment of Fall,
Me
  

Motivational Moment:

 

This Moment is one of my Life’s Little LaughablesTM.  Every Halloween, we enjoy carving pumpkins from the many varied carving kits/stencils you can buy.  It requires no talent, the kids can do it, and the results are always great. 

 

We had the pumpkins lit up on the front porch for Trick-or-Treat night.  A dad, who was new to the neighborhood, walked up to the porch with his daughter and was amazed at the pumpkin carvings.  He said: "I LOVE your pumpkins!!" To which he then immediately said: "Oh, that sounded wrong."  He made me laugh.  Then he walks up to two of the pumpkins on one side of the porch and asks: "Can I take a picture of both of them?" ... "Well THAT sounded wrong too!  I just need to stop talking!".  Dude had me cracking up as he walked away.

 





This year's creations

 

The joy of tallying the loot

 

May you enjoy the beauty each season brings.

 

Peace, Love, and Hugs,

SG