I'm intrigued with long-term couples who seem to be truly happy and in love with each other.
In a society where half of the marriages fail, and the majority of the remaining half don't seem happy, I want to learn about the ones that seem truly happy. What are the ingredients that make this possible? Everyone gets married with the hope of the happily ever after, but so many of us fail in that (myself included). Thus, in the effort of fixing what is broken, I want to learn about what makes it work in those successful relationships.
By all means, I am not an expert in anything. This is merely my attempt at understanding and bettering my human experience.
Today's blog is about Maggie and Jake. They preferred for me to write an anonymous blog and as such, those are not their real names.
Maggie is larger than life. She comes from a loving, Irish Catholic family where her father, grandfather, and uncles were all in the police department. She recently retired from an impressive career in Sales. I say it is impressive, because so many of her customers truly love her. She is close with many of them, such that she has been invited to their homes and children's weddings. In fact, when she retired, one of her accounts flew her and her husband out to them for a nice dinner and weekend. It is just who she is. She always has a wonderful, positive attitude and is a very friendly person to everyone. There is not a negative bone in her body. She is chill and doesn't get worked up over many things. She encourages those around her. There is no such things as business setbacks for her since she is able to find a way around the majority of obstacles set before her. I truly enjoyed working with Maggie, as she is a mentor to me both professionally and personally, with her optimistic spirit.
Part of me thinks the key to a successful relationship lies in having at least one partner who is the chill one; one that not merely tolerates but that actually enjoys the antics of the more uptight or wild partner. This is how I see Maggie and Jake's relationship. Jake has been retired for a few years. And whenever Maggie talks about Jake, she says how lucky she is to have him. They have been together 30 years. They met through work. Maggie was a Sales Person who made routine calls at this business and Jake would make service calls at this business. Jake would find out when Maggie's visits were and would schedule his for the same time. They were engaged one year after they met; however I was so surprised to learn that they didn't get married until 18 years later! I asked what finally made her do it after all those years. She said: "He said my shelf life was expiring." They eloped on a beach since they didn't want to deal with the multitude of family and friends who would have wanted to have a say in the big event.
Jake is a truly wild and carefree spirit. In retirement, he has many weekly get-togethers, such as lunches with two different groups of retirees, shopping trips with a childhood friend, band practice in which he plays the accordion. Here are a handful of events that truly describe his essence:
1. He was the Master of Ceremonies at his 50th high school reunion. He spoke over an hour to laughter and applause.
2. Him and the lunch gang (4 men) saw an advertisement for $99 flights to Iceland, so the 4 immediately booked a 10 day trip and then informed their unsuspecting wives! (What is even more amazing to me is that all 4 wives were fine with this little impromptu trip to Iceland!).
3. One day he headed out to buy flowers and planters and instead came home with a $1600 stainless steel canoe (which you better believe they used!).
4. He bought a custom size king bed (larger than a California King!), to which she had to order custom bedding as well as a step stool. The ironic story here is that he sleeps right against her, so over half of the bed is empty!
She just laughs at his antics and says she is the luckiest woman in the world. After she tells me a story about one of his crazy adventures, she simply laughs and says she adores him. "He's so cute. Why would I get mad?" (Let's just say that I would not have the same reaction were I in her shoes.) Perhaps that's the answer to a happy and long lasting marriage: Appreciation and Acceptance. Perfectionism and control issues are the opposite of appreciation and acceptance. Isn't that the true meaning of love, to truly appreciate and accept an individual, wholly for who they are?
Maggie and Jake have such a true love for life and each other. They are constantly having friends and family over and fly out of state on a regular basis to their daughter's house. Maggie told me one day this last fall that they went to the afternoon football game downtown with 2 couples, then had dinner downtown and then met 3 other couples for the evening baseball game. They are amazing socialites with a true Joie de Vivre!
I keep telling Maggie that her and Jake should routinely write about their escapades, for they truly are hilarious; however, they are too busy to do it.
Love truly is what makes the world go round.
Live in Love,
SG
Motivational Moment:
Today's Moment is one of my Life’s Little LaughablesTM:
I have a friend at work who is always very encouraging to me. The other day we were walking down the hallway together and he asked how I was doing. I said I had a lot going on. He said: "I'm not worried. I know you can handle it." His encouraging words brought a smile to my face. I said: "You just made my heart swell." His immediate response: "We're Happy Swellers. Instead of Happy Fellers, we're Happy Swellers! You make my heart swell all the time!"
Wishing you all moments of giving and getting "Heart-Swelling" throughout your day!
Hugs,
SG
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