Love Is The Answer

I haven't written in a long time because, well, my life has been crazy for the last two years.  However, I feel it is a good sign that I am once again motivated to write my meanderings.  (And a shout out to my Tina girl who is such an awesome supporter of my writing.  Thank you my friend!) 

 

After several years of surviving a life transition (aka divorce) I feel like I am finally over the devastation (most of it self-induced due to over-thinking and being too hard on myself) and on my way to enjoying some of the best years of my life as I learn to love and accept me for who I am.

 

I am a sensitive soul.  I have anxiety and panic.  I over-think and over-analyze and I worry too much.  And while some day I may delve into writing about those topics or about my journey the last few years, today's post is about positivity, particularly because of all the negative world events transpiring.  As human beings, it is not healthy for us to solely concentrate on - or glorify - or magnify the horror (this does not mean we don't take needed action, it just means we focus on what is good particularly in difficult times, as that is what helps us survive).  We need to live each day as peacefully and happily as we can.  Life is short.  It goes by fast.  We do not know what day will be our last. So we need to love.  We need to love one another and love ourselves.  We need to realize that everyone is a human being ... born into this world through no choosing of our own ... and we all need love to survive.  Love truly makes the world go round.  Love motivates, encourages, and heals.  It makes our happy days brighter and our difficult days do-able.

 

The upside of being a sensitive soul, is that I am very touched by love and beauty.  Lately, I have seen so much love around me and I am humbled by it.  And have you ever noticed that when you think about a particular subject, you happen to notice it so much more?  Such a cool phenomenon.  

 

It melts my heart when I hear about friends who are wonderfully giving and loving to their family and friends.  I am lucky to work with some of these beautiful people.  One friend is 65 and offers much emotional and financial support to her daughter and grandchildren.  Another friend sat up all night with her adult daughter when she was devastated over bad news.  This friend also opens her house to anyone that needs it and always offers to help people.  She is self-less and kind.  Another friend helps her husband out with his own business after she finishes her full time job.  She also makes her grandkids whatever they want for their birthday dinner, no matter how extravagant.  These ladies are calm and loving and truly beautiful souls.  It is a pleasure working with them and knowing them. 

 

My heart is also touched when I see random acts of kindness from strangers, and this can be as simple as someone holding a door for a stranger or helping them pick up something they dropped or a kind smile or encouraging word. I love hearing the stories of strangers who pick up the bill for the person behind them in fast food drive-throughs or at restaurants.

 

Even on social media, there are outpourings of love for strangers, as witnessed during tragedies.  On a large scale, we see thousands of people donating food and money for hurricane victims; on a small scale, we see individuals supporting other individuals.  I  have recently started following many people on Instagram who have anxiety and panic, and the inner circle of beauty and support that is shared amongst this group of strangers is inspiring and uplifting. 

 

In Closing, I have often said that a dream job of mine would be to interview and write about loving relationships that last through the years and that truly shine with their love.  I'm intrigued with these couples and how they manage to last for decades.  There are so many failed marriages, whether they actually end in divorce, or they stay married but one or both parties are miserable (which I also consider a failed marriage).  In the U.S., 1 out or 2 marriages end in divorce and subsequent marriages have even higher divorce rates. And if 50% end in divorce, I would say more than half of that remaining 50% are not happy.  What are we doing wrong as a society that so many of us fail in marriages?  Is it how we are raised? Is it the fairy tales? Is it selfishness?  The fact that it is so widespread, tells me it is a society-wide issue (at least in the United States). It is the sensitive soul in me that is bothered by this.  When two people get married, they are so in love and hopeful for their happily ever after.  Where and why does it go wrong for so many?

 

People always say don't put off doing what you enjoy; you need to do it now and enjoy living. Carpe diem!  I am hoping to write about relationships that are truly successful (and by successful - I distinctly mean in which both partners are happy and satisfied with their partner and their relationship). My next blog is going to be about a co-worker who truly has a relationship that works well and is full of love.

 

A Lover of Love,

Me

 

Motivational Moment:

 

Today's moment is a celebration of the start of Fall.  Fall is such a beautiful season with all of the leaves changing.  It is also a great time to enjoy bonfires and roasted marshmallows. 

 

 

 

 

Wishing you beautiful days where you get to enjoy some much needed peace and relaxation. 

 

Hugs,

SG

I'm All Things Chicken

A co-worker and I were having a conversation the other day about what we liked eating for dinner.  She said that she loved steak and I immediately responded: "I'm all things chicken!". 

This statement immediately made me laugh as I realized just how deeply true it is, not only in referring to my dietary preferences, but also in referring to who I am (and have been my entire life).

Being All Things Chicken

For my entire life, I have been a very accomplished worrier.  I developed panic attacks and anxiety when I was 20, but even as a young girl in elementary school, I remember not being able to sleep over a friend's house because I was too afraid to be away from home.  I am sure that there are many things that made me this way - from a genetic predisposition from both my maternal and paternal sides of the family - to the fact that my alcoholic father passed away when I was 4 years old and the chaotic life that is my mom.  The purpose of this blog entry wasn't intended to dive into the many possible reasons as to how I became who I am (although I welcome all philosophical discussion as to what makes us who we are as adults), it was inspired by that spontaneous comment about dinner that just so happens to also describe me.

I am coming off of a pretty rough month due to my mom being hospitalized for a week with a bad leg infection and at the same time I also came down with a cold.  And because when it rains it pours, my asthma-prone daughter then developed a fever that lasted 5 days and was pretty rough.  I was exhausted and worried and stressed.  And then (not surprisingly) I had an emotional outburst with my boss (and no - I wasn't sobbing, I was defending what a stellar employee I am 😏 during a conversation about seminar travel, of all things), which did not go over well whatsoever.  (He was not to be disrespected like that, as he let me know the following week.)  Blah, Blah, Blah, I digress.

The Dark Days of Divorce

I always thought that I was a pretty intelligent person, a quick learner per se ... however, my emotions were very slow to the table with adapting to life after divorce.  (I know that I am not the quickest to adapt to change, but usually I bounce back a lot faster than a year!)  I think it's the perfectionist in me.  I hate that I am not the perfect mom for my girls.  I hate that my failed marriage can negatively affect their current lives as well as their adult lives.  I hate that I continue to worry about this and feel sad about this.  I know that no one is perfect and that we all do the best we can in life.  No matter who you are in this world, you are human and as such you are not perfect. You will have happy days and sad days, healthy days and sick days, days full of love and days full of sorrow.  I realize that I am not saying anything that is an eye-opening breakthrough, but I am finding it cathartic to write it.  I tend to get stuck in my head with my thoughts/worries and talking with someone, or writing, helps me push through the thoughts rather than letting them circle in my mind.

When you get divorced, they tell you that the current statistic for failed marriages is 50%.  One out of two marriages end in divorce and that percentage is even higher for subsequent marriages.  Depressing statistics.  And it seems to me like the majority of that remaining 50% are not happy and shouldn't be married.  Why is it that so many of us fail at the institution of marriage?  How do we lose our way?  Do we all have too high of expectations of our significant other or of marriage itself?  Do we get lost in the busy day-to-day of raising children and working?  Everyone enters into marriage with the hope and love for happily ever after, 'til death do us part; so why do so many fail?  Why are so many miserable?  When I see truly well-matched and successful marriages, I want to delve into why and how it worked for them.  It does seem that there is always one partner in those happy-appearing marriages that are very calm and patient or at the very least are able to indulge the other.

To anyone else going through a divorce right now, or who are in the first year or two after a divorce, my advice is to be patient with your life process.  Some days all you can do is survive - and that is an accomplishment.  Time does heal wounds; the passing of time helps mental as well as physical wounds.  Hang in there.  Envision the Phoenix rising from the ashes.

Besides time helping you heal, there are some awesome people that shine during your dark days.  A little shout out to just a few of the beautiful souls in my life during this difficult transition: My Tina-girl who is always so positive, supportive, and calm about life and has such good, sane advice. Trace - for your almost daily support getting me through the lows and the worry and the panic.  Little Red - for being on an amazingly similar journey at the moment; I enjoy riding the roller coaster with you.  And to CC, who I am not sure how I would have survived the last year without your calm, loving support and sense of humor.

My advice to anyone currently in a dark place: reach out to those lifelines that are offered to you by others in your life.  We are all here together trying to survive as best as we can through life.  Lean on others during your dark days and in turn, offer your shoulder or ears or arms to someone going through their dark days.  The loving and healing power of hugs is a true blessing during hard times.

After living a life of fear and worry, how awesome would it be if I could shed those fears and worries and go live by the ocean after my youngest daughter graduates from high school?!  As of now, I am thinking positively.  My 5 year plan is to have my toes in the sand.  I have read many accounts of people who start living their dreams after the age of 50, it inspires and motivates me.  It is never too late to start living your dreams.   


Surviving and Starting to Dream Again,

Me


Motivational Moment:

Today's Moment is a Life’s Little LaughablesTM:

The other day I was walking out of a doctor's appointment with my youngest daughter (who is now 11).  She has had a pretty rough two years with the divorce (the first year of me and her dad living separately was the hardest, this last year she has started to come around again and it makes my heart smile).  As we were walking out of a good check up with her Pulmonologist, her and I were in a light-hearted mood.  As described above, we were just coming out of a rough two weeks and at the doctor appointment I found out my favorite doctor was leaving the practice.  I said to my daughter: " We have had a few tough hits these last two weeks, it is time for some good wins to come our way!" To which she immediately responded: "There are good winds in the mountains."

Even though she thought I said 'winds', I truly enjoyed a light-hearted laugh with this kiddo.  Definitely heals a momma's heart seeing a daughter in a better place.  💖