Be The Antitoxin In This Toxic World

Be The Antitoxin.

Let that marinate for a moment.

I was having a conversation with some friends the other day and I mentioned that I was visiting a close relative who always seems to stress me out.  I even went so far as to describe the visit as toxic for me.  The reason it is hard for me to be around this person, is because she tends to be negative and critical about many things.  Being a highly sensitive, it hurts me, depresses me, and wears me down. Whether it be a work relationship or a personal relationship (close family members), when the environment is toxic to me, I just want to escape it.  I am starting to have zero tolerance for toxic negativity and criticism.  I also find it sad and frustrating because, in this particular instance, the person is one that I should feel very close to and as such, I want our time together to be full of love and joy - not negativity.

My friend, Johnny, had the best response to my toxic comment.  He said: "Well, let's all make an effort to be the antitoxin."  (Johnny has a history of saying some of the most thought provoking words to me that seem to light off a spark in my brain.)

One character flaw of mine is reactivity.  If you throw me into a fire (such as a stressful interaction with co-workers or family), I am going to catch immediately on fire.  I wish I could sit here and tell you that I am the fire extinguisher.  Truly, I would love more than anything to be the kind of person that, rather than catch on fire, or fuel the flames, I extinguish them with my calm and cool demeanor.  Unfortunately, that is not me.  Instead, I am highly reactive (flammable) and readily catch on fire when it is thrown my way.  However, I will never give up on striving for my calm!

Back to this antitoxin thought.  As I am writing this blog, not only do I see the super powers of what this would do for my personal and professional life, but I also see what this would do for the world, particularly in our current reality. We are in a year of extreme world stress and strife and the fallout to mental health is being witnessed again and again.  It is a catastrophic year to individuals' state of mind - on a global level.  What a miracle it would be if everyone could take a dose of a "love elixir" (as Johnny put it), and become the antitoxin to this toxic world that we are currently existing in.

Here's wishing a HUGE dose of LOVE, CALM, HOPE, and PEACE enter into us all during a nice, deep inhale whenever we feel us losing our cool and being reactive in a heated situation.

 

Sending out LOVE to ALL,

SG 

 

Motivational Moment:

This Motivational Moment goes out to my CC.  He brought calm and healing into my life during some very dark days.  When I recently thanked him for this, he responded by saying he is merely the band aid and that I healed myself. 💖

May you have people who are band aids in your life who help you heal in your times of need.  And on the contrary, may we be the band aid for others when they need some healing.

Be The Antitoxin In A Toxic World!

Peace, Love, and Hugs,

SG

A Moment in the Life of My Brain

As stated in many of my previous blogs, I have quite the active worrier mind. This entry was going to be one of my quick little Life’s Little LaughablesTM that I add to the end of a blog, but as I was typing it, I realized it was getting too long to be delegated to the end anecdote and thus, here it is, in its full blog glory:

This entry is a little snapshot of the ocean-sized difference between my anxious mind and a non-anxious (aka extremely calm) mind.

So, as is typical with my anxiety, something that would be no big deal in most brains, was a big monster growing in my brain.

This silly little topic is about flowers. In particular, these cute little yellow flowers that were bought for me, by my daughters, for my birthday.

I planted them in this big pot that is out in my driveway. They were planted side by side with a purple flower. (You can tell how adept I am at gardening by my very technical terms of "yellow" and "purple" flowers.)

Well ... the oddest thing started happening with my yellow flowers ... I swear they started smelling like garbage. And not only that - they had become infested with flies (which I didn't realize until I put the garbage can out by them for ONE night and the next morning the lid was covered in maggots). Yuk!!

About one week after that grossness (yes - another technical term), I noticed that not only were there flies everywhere, but now there were bees and wasps on these yellow flowers (I'm all for the honey bees, just not the wasps and flies).

So this is where my brain differs from the average calm brain:

 - This flower is going to continue to attract bees and wasps and flies until I have a huge infestation.
 - The house already has ONE fly in it from this pot being by the garage door, so this is going to become a HUGE problem.
 - If I try to remove these flowers, I will get stung by the scary wasps and bees.
 - If I spray pesticide on them, it will ruin the dirt for other flowers.

*mind spends some additional time on worse case scenarios*
*texts daughters about these armageddon flowers they bought me*
*decide to go splash white vinegar on the flowers to get rid of all insects so that flower removal can commence the next day and thus avoid armageddon*
*on way out the door, stop and ask boyfriend if all scary flying insects go to bed at night "somewhere"; he assures me they are back in their home (wherever that is!).*
*Boyfriend inquires as to what I am doing, so I fill him in on the white vinegar plan*
*Boyfriend walks out to scary flower pot with me.*

Him: "I'll just pull them out and throw them in the woods."

Me: "What - with your bare hands????  Don't you need a shovel and a wheel barrel?!!  What if you get stung????!!  Wait - let me turn on the light!"  *starts running into the garage*

Him: *grabs flower stems* (which all come out in one bunch since they were just transplanted from a pot a few weeks ago) *walks to woods and tosses them out*

Me: *standing there in shock at how incredibly fast, simple, and NON SCARY that was!!!*

Yup - just another daily moment in the incredibly exciting brain of mine.

Never-the-Dull-Moment Yours,

SG

Motivational Moment:

Of course this entry needs to end with a Life’s Little LaughablesTM (as if this entire entry isn't already one):

A few days before I noticed the flies and bees, a pest control company stopped by asking if I wanted to join their service, like a bunch of my neighbors. I kindly replied that I am happy with my current pest control but I wished him well.  He, of course, kept trying to sell me his service, so I kindly wished him well again and shut the door.

So in my mind - it was this dude who dumped some "garbage smell juice" on my flowers as he walked away with no sale.

#ConspiraciesRus


And if anyone happens to know what these yellow flowers are - and if they are supposed to smell like garbage or if my suspicious mind is correct - feel free to let me know.

Peace, Love, and Hugs,
SG

For The Love of Calm

This post is a shout out to all of the truly calm souls out there!  Us highly sensitive and anxious souls TRULY appreciate you.  We appreciate your calm waves that you naturally put out that soothe us, not only in times of crises, but even with daily overwhelm that occurs.

I was talking with a friend of mine today and it inspired me to send this quick Thank You out into the world for calm souls.  My friend "Lola" is one of these people.  She is chill ... calm ... peaceful.  Everything my anxious soul would love to be, but was not gifted as genetically.

Lola and I are both currently out of work for different reasons.  Lola and her husband moved to a different state to be by their children and grandchildren. I lost my job due to budget cuts.

On a daily basis, Lola is cracking me up with her efforts to find a job - as well as with the variety of jobs she is applying for.

Today, she mentioned she is applying to be a 911 Dispatch Operator.  This highlighted the extreme differences in who we are.  The thought of me having that job - well - it's actually unimaginable - for all of the obvious reasons of who I am.  Every time the phone rang, I would be in a panic over what emergency was on the other end.  And then I would be thrown into more of a panic, hearing about the panicky emergency.  Lola, on the other hand, is calm down to her soul.  She would be able to stay calm and handle the situation appropriately, thus being of great help to the person in need, on the other end of the line.

So this, my friends, is the entire point of this quick little blog today:

From the bottom of my heart, to the depth of my soul, (and any other appropriate analogy you can think of), I am extremely thankful and grateful for all of you calm souls out there!  Whether you have jobs in the emergency fields, helping others in their most scary time of need, or if you are simply a calm lifeline to someone in your life, you are all angels here on earth and we love you and appreciate you.

To my dear friend Lola, I thank you for all of the beautiful, soothing calm (as well as all the laughter) you have sent my way throughout our many years of friendship.  I wish you the best of luck with your job search and hope it ends with a role that helps others in their times of need.  You are the best.  Love you.

Gratefully Yours,
SG

Motivational Moment:

In the same theme as today's blog, this is a moment of gratitude for those in our lives that help us through tough times.  The world, as a whole, is currently experiencing a scary health crises that we have never had to face before.  Social media and the news inundate us constantly, and while I agree it is wise to be educated for the effort of prevention and saving lives, the downside of that is a colossal fear out in the collective population.  Since I am no expert by any means, my simple words are what work for me and my anxious soul: take time away from social media and the news, and do things that relax you - such as walks in nature, talking with calm souls or with friends that make you laugh, reading books, dancing, listening to music you love, spending time with your pets, getting a massage, watching movies, etc.  The important thing is that you do what works for YOU to relieve stress and allow you to relax - so whatever "that" is - go do more of "that" during these universal times of stress.

Peace, Love, and Hugs,
SG

The Only Constant in Life is Change

And just like that, with the snap of his fingers, they were gone.

Being a highly sensitive, I love movies.  I get immersed in them.  It's an escape from my own reality, which, let's just say, is an anxious one.  (To those that don't know, I am referencing the Avengers Infinity War movie in that first sentence.)

Some of the top stressors in life are: death of a loved one; major illness; divorce; moving; and job loss.  I have gone through three of the five in the last four years (two of which occurred in the last year: moving and job loss).  Ironically, even though I am Miss Anxiety, I am doing okay.  Mainly because I think the hardest for me to deal with would be some catastrophic illness like cancer, or the loss of a child.  My heart goes out to anyone who has to endure such heart breaking sorrow or pain.  And I still have yet to write about my divorce, but feel that long enough time has passed for me to be healed enough to do so; however that is for another day.

Today's blog is about unexpected job loss, which is why I refer to that scene from Infinity Wars, although I realize that comment mostly refers to death.  Death is the ultimate disappearing act from the living; whereas loss of a job, is merely you disappearing from that place of work.

Last week, I had the surreal experience of sitting at my desk and having my VP come up to me and say: "Can you come with me for a moment".  And just like that, I walked away from my desk, never to return.

My place of work went through budget cuts.  It happens.  It's a reality for many people and many businesses.  It's a reality of life.  In fact, it happened to me before (23 years ago) at my first job working at a hospital.

This morning, as I laid in bed, I was imagining all of us who were let go basically evaporating from our workplace.  And for those remaining, this first week has all of them walking around with our disappearance laying heavily on their minds; with our ashes, so to speak, floating in our empty cubes.   (On a side note, I will add that I truly wish all of them the best and I have no hard feelings because it was a business necessity to downsize.)

Today's musings are more about my identity.  My first day waking up and not having a job to go to had me feeling a little lost.  What is my purpose? Why am I here?  The busywork of going to a full time job every day gave me a purpose.  But even as I type that, I cringe.  This job was in no way my life's purpose.  In fact, I get more impassioned the more I think about that.  I am a people person.  I am a nurturer.  I am a mom to three amazing daughters.  I am an encourager, supporter, motivator to those around me.  I am not meant to sit at a desk all day, not doing those things.  There is much more to life than merely existing.  In fact, recently, I keep hearing and seeing this quote more and more: "You are not here to merely survive.  You are here to THRIVE."  Amen.  That has been resonating with me so much of late.  I don't want to merely survive.  To merely exist.  To go to a job I am not passionate about and literally waste away.  In fact, if you are not living your true passion and are merely existing, all you feel is the miseries of life.  The aches and pains and illnesses.  We all have our own unique gifts and talents that we are meant to share with the world.  When we can live to our full potential and beauty, then THAT my friends is THRIVING.  And that is exactly what I want to do...plan to do...WILL do...AM doing by writing this blog!

So, my wish for you today my friends is this...may you THRIVE!  May you live life to the fullest, using your natural gifts, and truly love it!

For now, I am going to truly enjoy every minute of my current reality.  And there is so much to enjoy...particularly not having to wake up early (I am so NOT a morning person!), not having to always be in a rush to get things done before and after work, not having to constantly be stressed because there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done when you are at your job for 9 hours a day, etc.  However, since I did not win the lottery, a full time job will once again be my reality at some point.  But until that time, I will read and write and organize my home and chill with my daughters, as much as I can.  And I will continue to find ways in which I can thrive, since life is so short and precious.

Thrivingly Yours,
SG


Motivational Moment:

Today's Moment is one of my Life’s Little LaughablesTM.  And although it is not a laugh out loud one, it gives me a chuckle about human nature.  Human nature is the immediate spreading of shocking news.  Maybe it's because most of us are bored and we like the thrill of the shock. I thought it was funny at how many people reached out to me immediately after I was let go.  Many of these people no longer worked at my place of employment (some even out of state), however news travels fast.  The beautiful thing here is that they all wished me well.  That's the beauty of being a highly sensitive and a people person.  I truly wish people well.  I want them to be happy.  I encourage and support them. So it was beautiful to experience these wishes towards me from so many of my current co-workers as well as former ones.

I wish you all love and support, not only during life's stressors, but at all times.

Peace, Love, and Hugs,
SG

Beautiful Soul

Loving, selfless people amaze me.  Inspire me.  Humble me. 

It is so common to see selfish people; condescending people; not kind people; even just plain jerks.  Thus, when I witness true selflessness, as well as the simple, all-encompassing, deep love of a mother, it melts my heart to the core!

I have the pleasure of working with such a beautiful soul.  She is such a sweetheart.  For the purpose of this blog, I shall call her Ariel since her and I love the beach and wish we were mermaids.  She is always kind to others.  She works full time during the day and then on evenings and weekends, she is either helping out her husband with his company, or cooking meals for her children and grandchildren.

Her life is not easy.  She works hard.  And yet she stays so nice.  Mind you, the fact that I appreciate this so much, tells you I get stressed and overwhelmed and downright grumpy.  I am in awe of her.  Her life's story is one of love, despite difficulties.  Ariel comes from a family of 8 kids and her husband comes from a family of 10 kids. They were married at age 16.  Ariel's father passed away from a heart attack at age 43.  Her mom's brother came to live with them and she said he was so fun.  Her mom passed away 3 years ago at the age of 89.  She has so much love for her mom that she tears up to this day when she talks about her.  She sounds like she was also a beautiful, loving soul.

Her recent experience with her daughter is just one small example of who she is.

Ariel has an adult daughter who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  Lately she has been struggling with her medication.  She had an episode recently where she was found on the road by police, sitting in her car, and she didn't know who she was.  She was admitted into a mental health facility for 3 days.  My friend had a very rough time that first day and was very unhappy how her daughter was treated, but there was nothing she could do and that broke her heart.

The 3 days came to pass and her daughter was stabilized.  When she was released, she had an appointment set up with her psychiatrist because the mental health facility doctor felt she was not on the right medicine.  The problem was that she couldn't get in to see her doctor for three weeks - which is an eternity when someone is not on the right med and going through a crises.

Well she made it through the weekend ok but then Ariel wasn't at work.  When she came in the next day, she told me what happened and it broke my heart.  Her daughter was very agitated and not sleeping.  She called Ariel at 2am.  She was sitting in her boyfriend's car at her dad's company.  Ariel tried getting her in her car but she didn't want to go home or to her place.  So what did she do?  She ended up walking up and down the road for over an hour.  At 3am.  Ranting and raving.  In a black trench coat.  What did Ariel do?  She followed her up and down the road, lighting her way, making sure she was safe.  For an hour.  At 3am in the morning. 

When Ariel finally did get her daughter home, she only slept an hour and a half because she's not sleeping on this medication - which is causing a lot of the problem.  Ariel ended up being awake from 2am the one morning, until midnight the following night.  And then she came to work the next day.  If that were me, I would have called off for a second day and spent the day in bed. 

Ariel's response?  "I love her so much and will do whatever I can to help her find some peace."

This, my friends, is beautiful, selfless love.

May we all strive to give it and be lucky enough to receive it.

Hugs and Love,
SG

Motivational Moment:

I thought it was very fitting to post this blog in the month of May since it is Mental Health Awareness Month.

To all those suffering with mental illnesses, my heart goes out to you and my hope is that you have loved ones that stay by your side through good times and bad. 

There are many negative connotations to the internet age and social media; however there are also many positives, particularly when it comes to finding support for whatever you are going through. 

25 years ago, when I first started experiencing panic and anxiety, I didn't have support groups on the internet to reach out to; whereas today, you can find information, support groups, self help tips, pretty much anything you can think of that can help you through your dark times.  Recently, I have found amazing, beautiful souls on Instagram who are suffering with many different things, from addictions to anxiety, panic, depression, and bipolar disorder. They are the individuals who spread the most hope, kindness, understanding, and sunshine despite the pain and suffering they are going though, maybe even because of it.

May you have all the love and support you need, not only during your difficult times, but throughout your life.

A Mother's Love

Unconditional Love.  That is what all Love should be.  Whether it's for a parent, a child, a sibling, or a significant other.  Love, in its true essence, is unconditional.  However, I find in my perfectionism, that while I have it for my children, I don't have it as naturally for my significant other.  In fact, I tend to be much more critical of my significant other, even though I wish that was not the case.  How much easier life - and certainly marriages - would be, if we all loved everyone in our lives unconditionally.  *sigh*  Utopia. And here I go again wishing for all to be perfect.

Well, since I can't obtain perfection in all things, I will say that being a parent has shown me that it is unconditional love, or certainly as close to it as truly possible.  As evidenced by my feelings towards my daughter and the Mother's Day card she made me this year:

She is 12 years old (going on 20).  Her cards are typically written with such love and sweetness that I treasure them, particularly since she has become quite surly in the last two years.  But this year's card matches her current personality (well, when she's tired, that is).  And it made me laugh in its brutal honesty.  I will say that when she's not crabby, she actually has a wonderful sense of humor that I am truly enjoying.  All I can do is love her.  She's currently my little punk, but I still love her unconditionally.

Oh, if only I were like that in my romantic relationships.  Poor guys don't stand a chance.  ;-)

Keep Lovin On,
SG

Motivational Moment:

One of my Life’s Little LaughablesTM: with the aforementioned daughter of mine. 

The following conversation occurred driving home the other day:

Me: I have got to lose this gut!!
Her: What is your 'gut'?
Me: My fat belly!
Her: So the saying "listen to your gut" means "listen to your FAT?!"

For The Love of The Happy Couple - Part 1

I'm intrigued with long-term couples who seem to be truly happy and in love with each other.

In a society where half of the marriages fail, and the majority of the remaining half don't seem happy, I want to learn about the ones that seem truly happy.  What are the ingredients that make this possible?  Everyone gets married with the hope of the happily ever after, but so many of us fail in that (myself included).  Thus, in the effort of fixing what is broken, I want to learn about what makes it work in those successful relationships.

By all means, I am not an expert in anything.  This is merely my attempt at understanding and bettering my human experience.

Today's blog is about Maggie and Jake.  They preferred for me to write an anonymous blog and as such, those are not their real names.

Maggie is larger than life. She comes from a loving, Irish Catholic family where her father, grandfather, and uncles were all in the police department. She recently retired from an impressive career in Sales.  I say it is impressive, because so many of her customers truly love her.  She is close with many of them, such that she has been invited to their homes and children's weddings.  In fact, when she retired, one of her accounts flew her and her husband out to them for a nice dinner and weekend.  It is just who she is.  She always has a wonderful, positive attitude and is a very friendly person to everyone. There is not a negative bone in her body. She is chill and doesn't get worked up over many things.  She encourages those around her.  There is no such things as business setbacks for her since she is able to find a way around the majority of obstacles set before her.  I truly enjoyed working with Maggie, as she is a mentor to me both professionally and personally, with her optimistic spirit.

Part of me thinks the key to a successful relationship lies in having at least one partner who is the chill one; one that not merely tolerates but that actually enjoys the antics of the more uptight or wild partner.  This is how I see Maggie and Jake's relationship.  Jake has been retired for a few years.  And whenever Maggie talks about Jake, she says how lucky she is to have him.  They have been together 30 years.  They met through work.  Maggie was a Sales Person who made routine calls at this business and Jake would make service calls at this business.  Jake would find out when Maggie's visits were and would schedule his for the same time.  They were engaged one year after they met; however I was so surprised to learn that they didn't get married until 18 years later!  I asked what finally made her do it after all those years.  She said: "He said my shelf life was expiring."  They eloped on a beach since they didn't want to deal with the multitude of family and friends who would have wanted to have a say in the big event.

Jake is a truly wild and carefree spirit. In retirement, he has many weekly get-togethers, such as lunches with two different groups of retirees, shopping trips with a childhood friend, band practice in which he plays the accordion.  Here are a handful of events that truly describe his essence:

1. He was the Master of Ceremonies at his 50th high school reunion.  He spoke over an hour to laughter and applause. 
2. Him and the lunch gang (4 men) saw an advertisement for $99 flights to Iceland, so the 4 immediately booked a 10 day trip and then informed their unsuspecting wives!  (What is even more amazing to me is that all 4 wives were fine with this little impromptu trip to Iceland!). 
3.  One day he headed out to buy flowers and planters and instead came home with a $1600 stainless steel canoe (which you better believe they used!).
4. He bought a custom size king bed (larger than a California King!), to which she had to order custom bedding as well as a step stool. The ironic story here is that he sleeps right against her, so over half of the bed is empty!

She just laughs at his antics and says she is the luckiest woman in the world.  After she tells me a story about one of his crazy adventures, she simply laughs and says she adores him. "He's so cute.  Why would I get mad?"   (Let's just say that I would not have the same reaction were I in her shoes.)  Perhaps that's the answer to a happy and long lasting marriage: Appreciation and Acceptance.  Perfectionism and control issues are the opposite of appreciation and acceptance.  Isn't that the true meaning of love, to truly appreciate and accept an individual, wholly for who they are?

Maggie and Jake have such a true love for life and each other.  They are constantly having friends and family over and fly out of state on a regular basis to their daughter's house.  Maggie told me one day this last fall that they went to the afternoon football game downtown with 2 couples, then had dinner downtown and then met 3 other couples for the evening baseball game.  They are amazing socialites with a true Joie de Vivre!

 I keep telling Maggie that her and Jake should routinely write about their escapades, for they truly are hilarious; however, they are too busy to do it. 

Love truly is what makes the world go round.

Live in Love,
SG

Motivational Moment:

Today's Moment is one of my Life’s Little LaughablesTM:

I have a friend at work who is always very encouraging to me.  The other day we were walking down the hallway together and he asked how I was doing.  I said I had a lot going on.  He said: "I'm not worried.  I know you can handle it."  His encouraging words brought a smile to my face.  I said: "You just made my heart swell."  His immediate response: "We're Happy Swellers. Instead of Happy Fellers, we're Happy Swellers! You make my heart swell all the time!"

Wishing you all moments of giving and getting "Heart-Swelling" throughout your day!

Hugs,
SG