Advice to My Daughters as They Turn 18 and I near 50

When my twins were newborns, a co-worker (who had college-aged kids) said to me: "It goes by so fast, so enjoy it!".  At the time, I was exhausted with two babies and literally felt like college was an eternity away. I was thinking - this time cannot go by fast enough!! However, I was wrong. I wish I could go back to them being newborns and holding and cherishing every moment (even though that really is challenging with a level of exhaustion that is almost unbearable). 

 

My mom has always said that the older you get, the faster the years go.  And the older I get, I find that to be scarily true!  I literally can't believe I am about to turn 50!  This photo is basically this blog in one image - in a blink of an eye, your children grow up ... and your life passes.

I have been thinking about writing this post since my twins turned 18.  That happened in February of 2020, and well, we all know what 2020 brought us.  Ironically, as I am writing this, I feel that the actual year of 2020 was almost as if life was put on hold. The entire year feels like a vacuum in time. I honestly don't know where the year went. Life as we knew it certainly was dramatically different - school was now virtual, all social gatherings were cancelled - at least in large quantities, businesses closed or went virtual (if they could), the world struggled with chaos, crises, and devastating loss.  My daughters had to deal with a virtual graduation from high school; having the end of their senior year occur from our house rather than walking the high school halls as the top dogs; their internships getting cancelled (and I was really excited for them and proud of them for the internships they had set up).  Then as the pandemic continued, they had to deal with their first semester at college being very different than normal with classes being virtual and no socialization.  To say I am proud of these girls is an understatement.  They rolled with the punches and continue to excel.

There is some life advice that my mom passed on to me.  She said: "There's two things that are really important to have in your household.  The first is a really good vacuum.  The second is a good set of stainless steel pans.  And I can say - that was darned good advice.  I have the same set of good quality pans she got me for my wedding - and they still look the same 25 years later.  And I also will say that I LOVE a good vacuum.  I love how the carpet looks and feels after a good vacuum.  I realize that this is not deep level wisdom, however this is good stuff to know when it comes to adulting.

Another piece of Life Advice that I often reiterate to them is to be your own advocate. Stand up for yourself (and your children).  If you are not happy with a doctor - whether it's a vibe or their plan of action or they don't listen to you - if anything doesn't sit well with you, then find someone who you  respect and trust and who does listen to you.  Remember that you are paying them, so they work for you!  Everyone is human and no one is perfect.

Choose a partner who treats you kindly and with respect. If they make you feel bad about yourself, then leave - for yourself. You only get one life, if you are not happy with your current reality, then change it. No one else can do it for you.  Only you will live your life and walk your individual path.

But mostly my advice is to enjoy yourself.  Life is so short.  And genetically, we (our family) are perfectionists, worriers, "A" students, and Type A personalities. We want perfection and success - in our bodies, in our partners, in our homes, in our careers. We stress when we don't get it, but nothing - no person, no body, no partner - is perfect, so we end up being hard on ourselves and our partners. I wish I could easily snap my fingers and change this for you because I know how hard it makes life. But since I can't do that, what I can do is be your advocate, for the rest of my life.  I will be there to help you when you are being too hard on yourself. Us Sensitives suffer, but we also bring so much love and light into this world - which is SO needed. After 49 years of living, I am realizing that it's ALL about the journey and not the NEXT thing.  I once read something about a "next addiction" and I find that it is what I do.  Always planning and/or worrying about what comes next.  But truly what we need to do is to enjoy the now, which means easing up on yourself. You are doing the best you can.

And lastly, to my youngest.  I see you.  Your 18th is 2.5 years away and I am in no hurry to see it come, even though I know you can't wait.

Keep Shining on My Loves!! 

Forever and Always,

Your Advocate, Your Momma,

Me

P.S. The advice I gave to your cousin on his 18th is also advice I love for you (and for all 18 year olds), you can find it here.

Motivational Moment:

Another Life’s Little LaughablesTM: Whenever I think of some sage wisdom that I want my daughters to know, I always used to say: "If I were to drop dead right now, I'd want you to know this piece of life advice..."  One day, my daughter finally said: "Can you think of another, less-morbid, way to word that?!".  So now whenever I want to tell them sage life advice, I simply preface it with "Here is another important thing for you to remember in life...". 

Peace, Love, and Hugs,

Momma (aka SG)

Be The Antitoxin In This Toxic World

Be The Antitoxin.

Let that marinate for a moment.

I was having a conversation with some friends the other day and I mentioned that I was visiting a close relative who always seems to stress me out.  I even went so far as to describe the visit as toxic for me.  The reason it is hard for me to be around this person, is because she tends to be negative and critical about many things.  Being a highly sensitive, it hurts me, depresses me, and wears me down. Whether it be a work relationship or a personal relationship (close family members), when the environment is toxic to me, I just want to escape it.  I am starting to have zero tolerance for toxic negativity and criticism.  I also find it sad and frustrating because, in this particular instance, the person is one that I should feel very close to and as such, I want our time together to be full of love and joy - not negativity.

My friend, Johnny, had the best response to my toxic comment.  He said: "Well, let's all make an effort to be the antitoxin."  (Johnny has a history of saying some of the most thought provoking words to me that seem to light off a spark in my brain.)

One character flaw of mine is reactivity.  If you throw me into a fire (such as a stressful interaction with co-workers or family), I am going to catch immediately on fire.  I wish I could sit here and tell you that I am the fire extinguisher.  Truly, I would love more than anything to be the kind of person that, rather than catch on fire, or fuel the flames, I extinguish them with my calm and cool demeanor.  Unfortunately, that is not me.  Instead, I am highly reactive (flammable) and readily catch on fire when it is thrown my way.  However, I will never give up on striving for my calm!

Back to this antitoxin thought.  As I am writing this blog, not only do I see the super powers of what this would do for my personal and professional life, but I also see what this would do for the world, particularly in our current reality. We are in a year of extreme world stress and strife and the fallout to mental health is being witnessed again and again.  It is a catastrophic year to individuals' state of mind - on a global level.  What a miracle it would be if everyone could take a dose of a "love elixir" (as Johnny put it), and become the antitoxin to this toxic world that we are currently existing in.

Here's wishing a HUGE dose of LOVE, CALM, HOPE, and PEACE enter into us all during a nice, deep inhale whenever we feel us losing our cool and being reactive in a heated situation.

 

Sending out LOVE to ALL,

SG 

 

Motivational Moment:

This Motivational Moment goes out to my CC.  He brought calm and healing into my life during some very dark days.  When I recently thanked him for this, he responded by saying he is merely the band aid and that I healed myself. 💖

May you have people who are band aids in your life who help you heal in your times of need.  And on the contrary, may we be the band aid for others when they need some healing.

Be The Antitoxin In A Toxic World!

Peace, Love, and Hugs,

SG

A Moment in the Life of My Brain

As stated in many of my previous blogs, I have quite the active worrier mind. This entry was going to be one of my quick little Life’s Little LaughablesTM that I add to the end of a blog, but as I was typing it, I realized it was getting too long to be delegated to the end anecdote and thus, here it is, in its full blog glory:

This entry is a little snapshot of the ocean-sized difference between my anxious mind and a non-anxious (aka extremely calm) mind.

So, as is typical with my anxiety, something that would be no big deal in most brains, was a big monster growing in my brain.

This silly little topic is about flowers. In particular, these cute little yellow flowers that were bought for me, by my daughters, for my birthday.

I planted them in this big pot that is out in my driveway. They were planted side by side with a purple flower. (You can tell how adept I am at gardening by my very technical terms of "yellow" and "purple" flowers.)

Well ... the oddest thing started happening with my yellow flowers ... I swear they started smelling like garbage. And not only that - they had become infested with flies (which I didn't realize until I put the garbage can out by them for ONE night and the next morning the lid was covered in maggots). Yuk!!

About one week after that grossness (yes - another technical term), I noticed that not only were there flies everywhere, but now there were bees and wasps on these yellow flowers (I'm all for the honey bees, just not the wasps and flies).

So this is where my brain differs from the average calm brain:

 - This flower is going to continue to attract bees and wasps and flies until I have a huge infestation.
 - The house already has ONE fly in it from this pot being by the garage door, so this is going to become a HUGE problem.
 - If I try to remove these flowers, I will get stung by the scary wasps and bees.
 - If I spray pesticide on them, it will ruin the dirt for other flowers.

*mind spends some additional time on worse case scenarios*
*texts daughters about these armageddon flowers they bought me*
*decide to go splash white vinegar on the flowers to get rid of all insects so that flower removal can commence the next day and thus avoid armageddon*
*on way out the door, stop and ask boyfriend if all scary flying insects go to bed at night "somewhere"; he assures me they are back in their home (wherever that is!).*
*Boyfriend inquires as to what I am doing, so I fill him in on the white vinegar plan*
*Boyfriend walks out to scary flower pot with me.*

Him: "I'll just pull them out and throw them in the woods."

Me: "What - with your bare hands????  Don't you need a shovel and a wheel barrel?!!  What if you get stung????!!  Wait - let me turn on the light!"  *starts running into the garage*

Him: *grabs flower stems* (which all come out in one bunch since they were just transplanted from a pot a few weeks ago) *walks to woods and tosses them out*

Me: *standing there in shock at how incredibly fast, simple, and NON SCARY that was!!!*

Yup - just another daily moment in the incredibly exciting brain of mine.

Never-the-Dull-Moment Yours,

SG

Motivational Moment:

Of course this entry needs to end with a Life’s Little LaughablesTM (as if this entire entry isn't already one):

A few days before I noticed the flies and bees, a pest control company stopped by asking if I wanted to join their service, like a bunch of my neighbors. I kindly replied that I am happy with my current pest control but I wished him well.  He, of course, kept trying to sell me his service, so I kindly wished him well again and shut the door.

So in my mind - it was this dude who dumped some "garbage smell juice" on my flowers as he walked away with no sale.

#ConspiraciesRus


And if anyone happens to know what these yellow flowers are - and if they are supposed to smell like garbage or if my suspicious mind is correct - feel free to let me know.

Peace, Love, and Hugs,
SG

For The Love of Calm

This post is a shout out to all of the truly calm souls out there!  Us highly sensitive and anxious souls TRULY appreciate you.  We appreciate your calm waves that you naturally put out that soothe us, not only in times of crises, but even with daily overwhelm that occurs.

I was talking with a friend of mine today and it inspired me to send this quick Thank You out into the world for calm souls.  My friend "Lola" is one of these people.  She is chill ... calm ... peaceful.  Everything my anxious soul would love to be, but was not gifted as genetically.

Lola and I are both currently out of work for different reasons.  Lola and her husband moved to a different state to be by their children and grandchildren. I lost my job due to budget cuts.

On a daily basis, Lola is cracking me up with her efforts to find a job - as well as with the variety of jobs she is applying for.

Today, she mentioned she is applying to be a 911 Dispatch Operator.  This highlighted the extreme differences in who we are.  The thought of me having that job - well - it's actually unimaginable - for all of the obvious reasons of who I am.  Every time the phone rang, I would be in a panic over what emergency was on the other end.  And then I would be thrown into more of a panic, hearing about the panicky emergency.  Lola, on the other hand, is calm down to her soul.  She would be able to stay calm and handle the situation appropriately, thus being of great help to the person in need, on the other end of the line.

So this, my friends, is the entire point of this quick little blog today:

From the bottom of my heart, to the depth of my soul, (and any other appropriate analogy you can think of), I am extremely thankful and grateful for all of you calm souls out there!  Whether you have jobs in the emergency fields, helping others in their most scary time of need, or if you are simply a calm lifeline to someone in your life, you are all angels here on earth and we love you and appreciate you.

To my dear friend Lola, I thank you for all of the beautiful, soothing calm (as well as all the laughter) you have sent my way throughout our many years of friendship.  I wish you the best of luck with your job search and hope it ends with a role that helps others in their times of need.  You are the best.  Love you.

Gratefully Yours,
SG

Motivational Moment:

In the same theme as today's blog, this is a moment of gratitude for those in our lives that help us through tough times.  The world, as a whole, is currently experiencing a scary health crises that we have never had to face before.  Social media and the news inundate us constantly, and while I agree it is wise to be educated for the effort of prevention and saving lives, the downside of that is a colossal fear out in the collective population.  Since I am no expert by any means, my simple words are what work for me and my anxious soul: take time away from social media and the news, and do things that relax you - such as walks in nature, talking with calm souls or with friends that make you laugh, reading books, dancing, listening to music you love, spending time with your pets, getting a massage, watching movies, etc.  The important thing is that you do what works for YOU to relieve stress and allow you to relax - so whatever "that" is - go do more of "that" during these universal times of stress.

Peace, Love, and Hugs,
SG

The Only Constant in Life is Change

And just like that, with the snap of his fingers, they were gone.

Being a highly sensitive, I love movies.  I get immersed in them.  It's an escape from my own reality, which, let's just say, is an anxious one.  (To those that don't know, I am referencing the Avengers Infinity War movie in that first sentence.)

Some of the top stressors in life are: death of a loved one; major illness; divorce; moving; and job loss.  I have gone through three of the five in the last four years (two of which occurred in the last year: moving and job loss).  Ironically, even though I am Miss Anxiety, I am doing okay.  Mainly because I think the hardest for me to deal with would be some catastrophic illness like cancer, or the loss of a child.  My heart goes out to anyone who has to endure such heart breaking sorrow or pain.  And I still have yet to write about my divorce, but feel that long enough time has passed for me to be healed enough to do so; however that is for another day.

Today's blog is about unexpected job loss, which is why I refer to that scene from Infinity Wars, although I realize that comment mostly refers to death.  Death is the ultimate disappearing act from the living; whereas loss of a job, is merely you disappearing from that place of work.

Last week, I had the surreal experience of sitting at my desk and having my VP come up to me and say: "Can you come with me for a moment".  And just like that, I walked away from my desk, never to return.

My place of work went through budget cuts.  It happens.  It's a reality for many people and many businesses.  It's a reality of life.  In fact, it happened to me before (23 years ago) at my first job working at a hospital.

This morning, as I laid in bed, I was imagining all of us who were let go basically evaporating from our workplace.  And for those remaining, this first week has all of them walking around with our disappearance laying heavily on their minds; with our ashes, so to speak, floating in our empty cubes.   (On a side note, I will add that I truly wish all of them the best and I have no hard feelings because it was a business necessity to downsize.)

Today's musings are more about my identity.  My first day waking up and not having a job to go to had me feeling a little lost.  What is my purpose? Why am I here?  The busywork of going to a full time job every day gave me a purpose.  But even as I type that, I cringe.  This job was in no way my life's purpose.  In fact, I get more impassioned the more I think about that.  I am a people person.  I am a nurturer.  I am a mom to three amazing daughters.  I am an encourager, supporter, motivator to those around me.  I am not meant to sit at a desk all day, not doing those things.  There is much more to life than merely existing.  In fact, recently, I keep hearing and seeing this quote more and more: "You are not here to merely survive.  You are here to THRIVE."  Amen.  That has been resonating with me so much of late.  I don't want to merely survive.  To merely exist.  To go to a job I am not passionate about and literally waste away.  In fact, if you are not living your true passion and are merely existing, all you feel is the miseries of life.  The aches and pains and illnesses.  We all have our own unique gifts and talents that we are meant to share with the world.  When we can live to our full potential and beauty, then THAT my friends is THRIVING.  And that is exactly what I want to do...plan to do...WILL do...AM doing by writing this blog!

So, my wish for you today my friends is this...may you THRIVE!  May you live life to the fullest, using your natural gifts, and truly love it!

For now, I am going to truly enjoy every minute of my current reality.  And there is so much to enjoy...particularly not having to wake up early (I am so NOT a morning person!), not having to always be in a rush to get things done before and after work, not having to constantly be stressed because there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done when you are at your job for 9 hours a day, etc.  However, since I did not win the lottery, a full time job will once again be my reality at some point.  But until that time, I will read and write and organize my home and chill with my daughters, as much as I can.  And I will continue to find ways in which I can thrive, since life is so short and precious.

Thrivingly Yours,
SG


Motivational Moment:

Today's Moment is one of my Life’s Little LaughablesTM.  And although it is not a laugh out loud one, it gives me a chuckle about human nature.  Human nature is the immediate spreading of shocking news.  Maybe it's because most of us are bored and we like the thrill of the shock. I thought it was funny at how many people reached out to me immediately after I was let go.  Many of these people no longer worked at my place of employment (some even out of state), however news travels fast.  The beautiful thing here is that they all wished me well.  That's the beauty of being a highly sensitive and a people person.  I truly wish people well.  I want them to be happy.  I encourage and support them. So it was beautiful to experience these wishes towards me from so many of my current co-workers as well as former ones.

I wish you all love and support, not only during life's stressors, but at all times.

Peace, Love, and Hugs,
SG

Beautiful Soul

Loving, selfless people amaze me.  Inspire me.  Humble me. 

It is so common to see selfish people; condescending people; not kind people; even just plain jerks.  Thus, when I witness true selflessness, as well as the simple, all-encompassing, deep love of a mother, it melts my heart to the core!

I have the pleasure of working with such a beautiful soul.  She is such a sweetheart.  For the purpose of this blog, I shall call her Ariel since her and I love the beach and wish we were mermaids.  She is always kind to others.  She works full time during the day and then on evenings and weekends, she is either helping out her husband with his company, or cooking meals for her children and grandchildren.

Her life is not easy.  She works hard.  And yet she stays so nice.  Mind you, the fact that I appreciate this so much, tells you I get stressed and overwhelmed and downright grumpy.  I am in awe of her.  Her life's story is one of love, despite difficulties.  Ariel comes from a family of 8 kids and her husband comes from a family of 10 kids. They were married at age 16.  Ariel's father passed away from a heart attack at age 43.  Her mom's brother came to live with them and she said he was so fun.  Her mom passed away 3 years ago at the age of 89.  She has so much love for her mom that she tears up to this day when she talks about her.  She sounds like she was also a beautiful, loving soul.

Her recent experience with her daughter is just one small example of who she is.

Ariel has an adult daughter who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  Lately she has been struggling with her medication.  She had an episode recently where she was found on the road by police, sitting in her car, and she didn't know who she was.  She was admitted into a mental health facility for 3 days.  My friend had a very rough time that first day and was very unhappy how her daughter was treated, but there was nothing she could do and that broke her heart.

The 3 days came to pass and her daughter was stabilized.  When she was released, she had an appointment set up with her psychiatrist because the mental health facility doctor felt she was not on the right medicine.  The problem was that she couldn't get in to see her doctor for three weeks - which is an eternity when someone is not on the right med and going through a crises.

Well she made it through the weekend ok but then Ariel wasn't at work.  When she came in the next day, she told me what happened and it broke my heart.  Her daughter was very agitated and not sleeping.  She called Ariel at 2am.  She was sitting in her boyfriend's car at her dad's company.  Ariel tried getting her in her car but she didn't want to go home or to her place.  So what did she do?  She ended up walking up and down the road for over an hour.  At 3am.  Ranting and raving.  In a black trench coat.  What did Ariel do?  She followed her up and down the road, lighting her way, making sure she was safe.  For an hour.  At 3am in the morning. 

When Ariel finally did get her daughter home, she only slept an hour and a half because she's not sleeping on this medication - which is causing a lot of the problem.  Ariel ended up being awake from 2am the one morning, until midnight the following night.  And then she came to work the next day.  If that were me, I would have called off for a second day and spent the day in bed. 

Ariel's response?  "I love her so much and will do whatever I can to help her find some peace."

This, my friends, is beautiful, selfless love.

May we all strive to give it and be lucky enough to receive it.

Hugs and Love,
SG

Motivational Moment:

I thought it was very fitting to post this blog in the month of May since it is Mental Health Awareness Month.

To all those suffering with mental illnesses, my heart goes out to you and my hope is that you have loved ones that stay by your side through good times and bad. 

There are many negative connotations to the internet age and social media; however there are also many positives, particularly when it comes to finding support for whatever you are going through. 

25 years ago, when I first started experiencing panic and anxiety, I didn't have support groups on the internet to reach out to; whereas today, you can find information, support groups, self help tips, pretty much anything you can think of that can help you through your dark times.  Recently, I have found amazing, beautiful souls on Instagram who are suffering with many different things, from addictions to anxiety, panic, depression, and bipolar disorder. They are the individuals who spread the most hope, kindness, understanding, and sunshine despite the pain and suffering they are going though, maybe even because of it.

May you have all the love and support you need, not only during your difficult times, but throughout your life.

A Mother's Love

Unconditional Love.  That is what all Love should be.  Whether it's for a parent, a child, a sibling, or a significant other.  Love, in its true essence, is unconditional.  However, I find in my perfectionism, that while I have it for my children, I don't have it as naturally for my significant other.  In fact, I tend to be much more critical of my significant other, even though I wish that was not the case.  How much easier life - and certainly marriages - would be, if we all loved everyone in our lives unconditionally.  *sigh*  Utopia. And here I go again wishing for all to be perfect.

Well, since I can't obtain perfection in all things, I will say that being a parent has shown me that it is unconditional love, or certainly as close to it as truly possible.  As evidenced by my feelings towards my daughter and the Mother's Day card she made me this year:

She is 12 years old (going on 20).  Her cards are typically written with such love and sweetness that I treasure them, particularly since she has become quite surly in the last two years.  But this year's card matches her current personality (well, when she's tired, that is).  And it made me laugh in its brutal honesty.  I will say that when she's not crabby, she actually has a wonderful sense of humor that I am truly enjoying.  All I can do is love her.  She's currently my little punk, but I still love her unconditionally.

Oh, if only I were like that in my romantic relationships.  Poor guys don't stand a chance.  ;-)

Keep Lovin On,
SG

Motivational Moment:

One of my Life’s Little LaughablesTM: with the aforementioned daughter of mine. 

The following conversation occurred driving home the other day:

Me: I have got to lose this gut!!
Her: What is your 'gut'?
Me: My fat belly!
Her: So the saying "listen to your gut" means "listen to your FAT?!"