The Joys Of Being Highly Sensitive

I am a Highly Sensitive Person.  I didn't know there was an actual characterization for my kind of personality, but there is.  And even more of a shocker to me, is the co-worker, who after knowing me for only a short time at a new job (many years ago), gave me the book titled: "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.  This co-worker was a pretty tough chick, who surprised me with her sensitivity or 'in tune-ness' to those around her.

The down side of being highly sensitive is that my feelings are often hurt but what I perceive to be a cold world or insensitive, non-caring people.  In addition, I am often overwhelmed by how much there is to do, or by too many people, or too much noise ... it all ends up being too much stress for my system.  And it also unfortunately means I am highly sensitive to physical pain, to hunger, and to weather extremes.

However, there is an AMAZING upside to being highly sensitive, and that is how deeply affected I am by beauty.  It can be something as simple as colors, a gorgeous sunset, a laughing person, a smiling baby, a kind action by a stranger, and of course, excitement or happiness from my daughters. I truly LOVE this aspect of being highly sensitive because it makes moments of life absolutely precious.

Here are some examples of the beauty that truly makes being alive a pure joy to me:

1. An Artist's Talent:

    - Yesterday we were at Twins Day and my daughters love having t-shirts made from the airbrush artist.  Something as simple as this, struck me with amazement and beauty.  The artist's work was beautiful, creative, and fun!  The colors she uses are gorgeous to me.  I could have watched her work all day.  I would love to be that creative, to be able to free-hand drawings, to come up with beautiful color combinations, to write in many different kinds of lettering, etc.  I was in awe of her talent.  Here is a sample of her work (to the delight and thrill of my daughters and I):

Shaffer Airbrushing by Christina Shaffer

Fireworks (which I also love) ended the night at Twins Days

2. The Healing Touch of Massage:

    - I often write about my love of massages.  Being Highly Sensitive, a massage does wonders for me.  It reduces stress, it relaxes me, and most of all, it gives me reassurance in the kindness of strangers and that beautiful sentiment of loving one another - soul to soul.  I recently went to a new masseuse.  I am always game for trying new masseuses because I simply love massages.  Obviously, I didn't know this person at all, her personality or her technique, but I ended up LOVING it.  I really can't put into words how strongly this massage affected me.  We didn't talk, I laid there immersed in the music, the aroma, and her amazing touch.  I don't know how describe it other than it was as if she was transferring love into my being from her being.  I left that massage and could have wept due to the beauty of the experience; THAT, my friends, is a joy and privilege of being highly sensitive.

3. Serendipity (I mention this often in my blogs and love the fortunate/happy aspect of it):

   - Since this HSP book was given to me about 17 years ago, I have not looked at it in years.  I pulled it out to reference the author for this blog, and was again amazed at the perfect description it provides for who I am.  I also find it reassuring that there are others out there like me.  She writes that Highly Sensitive People (HSP) are overwhelmed by bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics; by having a lot to do in a short amount of time; avoid violent movies and TV shows; enjoy delicate tastes, scents, sounds, and art work; and lastly have a rich and complex inner life.  And for the record, according to her, us HSPs make up 20 percent of the population ... 50 million people in the United States.  And of course, "Sensitivity is anything but a flaw"!

4. All Things Beautiful:

   - I thoroughly enjoy all things beautiful: music, artwork, books, quotes, smells, good food (especially desserts), kind people, and laughter.  Laughter is one of the best gifts of all.

5. My Daughters:

   - As my daughters start their pre-teen and teen years, I am enjoying seeing the individuals they are becoming as well as their intelligence, their wit, and their sense of humor.  I love discussing life with them.  I especially love laughing with them.

Sensitively Yours,
Me

Motivational Moment:

As mentioned in the beginning of this blog, my feelings often get hurt by people who I feel are very thoughtless or uncaring; I am not that kind of person and I struggle with those who I perceive as thoughtless.  Tonight I am struggling with my frustration and hurt by a family member who I feel is completely about herself and her family.  I am trying to get my head around how anyone can be that way, particularly to the detriment of other family members.  As I sit here writing this, I realize it is me being overly sensitive and that I need to come to terms with people who are like this.  With that said, I came across a book called: "The Bounce Back Book.  How to thrive in the face of adversity, setbacks, and losses" by Karen Salmansohn, and I decided to put some quotes from this book in today's Motivational Moment, to not only help me, but anyone else who is currently dealing with hurt or disappointment.

 - "In life, you always have a choice.  Be weak or be strong."
 - "You are not alone ... Everyone has times of intense difficulties."
 - "Think of life as a gigantic ice cream parlor with infinite flavors to taste."
 - "Laughter is contagious good health."
 - "What goes down often bounces back even higher."
 - "The best is yet to come." Frank Sinatra  (Hope.  I love hope.  It brings infinite possibilities.)

Wishing you all a good day, full of laughter, smiles, and hope.
SG

It All Comes Down to Love

If you think about it, everything comes down to love.  The abundance of love or the lack of it, truly colors our days.

I am finding that love, particularly looking at life through love, immensely helps my frame of mind, and state of happiness, especially when times are tough.

This has been a particularly difficult week for me, coming off of a difficult year, for many reasons.  Every person has tough times throughout their life.  And the fact is, the older we live, the more tough times we will experience, particularly with illness, cancer, and the loss of loved ones.  It is simply the nature and reality of life.

There is much written on self-help, happiness, motivation, mindfulness, etc. and often one of the top techniques is to look on your life through the mindset of love.

I have found this to be so very true.  If I start feeling bad for myself, if I center on what's going wrong or what hurts or what is hard - well then, life sucks.  However, like many of the experts say, if you center on what is going good, on living a life of gratitude for what you have, you truly do feel better and thus will have a better life.

Love

This picture is of my mom, my older sister, and I.  It is 20 x 24 and is on a hard particle board surface.  I love this photograph and am so happy my mom has kept it over the years.  The first time I saw this picture, I had assumed it was taken by a professional photographer at a scheduled studio session.  My mom looks so beautiful and happy.  When my mom told me the circumstances around this photograph, it made it that much more amazing to me.  It is from The Ohio State Fair in the summer of 1972.  In the picture, my mom is 7 months pregnant with my younger sister, I am 13 months old and my older sister is 4 years old.  My mom said that the temperature that day was around 103 degrees.  Anyone who has ever been pregnant will tell you that end stage pregnancy and hot days do not mix well.  If that were me, I would have looked stressed and exhausted and there would not be a laughing smile on my face.  But that is what amazes me about mom, she always makes it look easy - and she adores babies.  In fact, she is 70 years old and is still amazing with babies; she is even watching one on a daily bases even today.  My mom made the first year of my twins life so much happier and easier for me with her generous love of her granddaughters.  I was overwhelmed being home alone with two babies, but my mom literally relished it, loving and laughing her way through the day with them.  That is love.

So, when times get hard, when you feel depressed over a particularly tough year or a difficult time, I highly recommend following the advice out there, and think of people, circumstances, vacations, any and all experiences that you love or loved experiencing.  It will put a smile on your face and lighten your heart.

Lovingly yours,
Me

Motivational Moment:

I was talking with my mom about the above picture and telling her just how much I love it and how it puts a smile on my face when I look at her beautiful smile.  This was a good positive moment for mom and I this morning, as mom is currently getting ready for her mom's funeral.  Part of the conversation was about how truly mean some people are, as mom had discovered some letters as she was going through her mom's house.  Since I refuse to give these people any more thought, I will not go into details here, just suffice it to say that it makes my heart hurt to know such mean people exist.  So ... back to the happy thoughts of the picture ...  mom was telling me her memories of that day back in 1972.  She said I was in a stroller that had a canopy that provided shade for me but it blocked me from her view.  As she was walking, someone tapped her on the shoulder and said to her, "I thought you might want these" and they handed my mom my socks and shoes.  It seems that as we were walking, I was shedding my socks and shoes (and was working on the outfit) and tossing them out of the stroller, one article of a clothing at a time, as we walked.  Mom said it made her laugh and it might have been what she was laughing about in the picture.  This moment of laughter and love today was a good healing moment for mom and I during a difficult time.

To those of you struggling through a tough time or with difficult people, I challenge you to think about someone or something that you love and to specifically NOT think about the person or situation that is making you unhappy.  Trust me, it works, and life is too short to let the unhappy thoughts, or even the mean people, take up your precious time.

Peace, love, and hugs,
SG

 

Dance Recitals and Wistful Journeys

Annual events tend to make me think about life, or more specifically, the passage of life.

When you are a child, you always hear adults say how fast life goes, and you roll your eyes thinking about your long school years and the lazy days of summer.  And then the next thing you know, you are in mid-life and you realize that your reality is not what you dreamt as a child, and your chances of having that dream job or being that star are not likely, yet you take joy in the fact that you are simply here.

This past weekend was my daughters dance recital.  As I sit in the audience, I wistfully think back on the years of my life, of my own dreams of being a professional dancer.  And of course there are always songs in the recital that are beautiful, soulful, even somewhat melancholy (that the soloists or ballerinas dance to) that aid in my journey into yesterday.

My sisters and I took dance classes when we were young.  As a young girl, you feel like a princess on recital night.  You dress up in a beautiful costume, you wear make up and have your hair done. You feel like everyone is there to see you and you are a star.  Your life shines in front of you; the sky's the limit.

I watch my girls up there and I am so proud of them and I love seeing the joy that this brings them.  Then I also see the daughters of my friend who passed away from ALS this past year.  They are growing up into talented, beautiful dancers.  And I feel like sobbing for my friend who is missing this as well as for these young girls who are growing up experiencing life without their mom.

None of us know what our life's journey will entail; we don't know what's around the corner for us or our families or friends.  All we can do is enjoy the ride as best as we can.  Cherish the special, beautiful moments.  Relish looking back on a life with wonderful memories and look forward to the journey ahead.

Wistfully Yours,

Me

Motivational Moment:

To my three Princesses, I am so proud of the young ladies you are.  Keep dreaming and living life to the fullest.

Also - a shout out to the group of dads (my husband included) who get up there every year for the dads dance.  All of your daughters are lucky to have such fun dads - and you always steal the show!

Keep dancing and laughing,

SG

Life’s Little Laughables

The past two weeks have included many different laughable moments for me and really - if you can't laugh along your life's journey, well then - that's just not funny.

I've noticed that sometimes, the best part of life happens in between the planned moments:

1.  On an hour car ride to a park, I was sitting in the back of the van with the kids so my mom could sit up front.  Since I am hardly ever in the back of a vehicle with my daughters, it ended up being a journey filled with unexpected laughter:

               - I was talking about middle child syndrome since I was the middle of 3 kids.  My daughter, who is a twin, said she also had middle child syndrome, to which I vehemently disagreed.  I said you are a twin, it's not possible to have middle child syndrome when you were born 7 MINUTES later!  Then my mom turns around from the front seat and says, "You didn't have middle child syndrome growing up!" And my daughter emphatically points to my mom and said, "THERE'S the voice of reason!".  Her and I proceeded to get into a laughing fit where we couldn't talk for 15 minutes.

              - The song "Material Girl" by Madonna was on the radio and my 9 year old asked, "Is she saying Cheerios??!"

              - My 9 year old said, "Let's do a smile contest!" and my 13 year old immediately responds, "I win!  I have the best smile!!"

Our minion traveling companions after visiting Universal Studios

The amount of unexpected laughter during that one hour trip was truly a beautiful thing!

2.  I am not the best plane traveler.  I see it as a necessary evil.  I hate flying, but I hate a 20 hour car ride even more.  So, I must simply suck it up and deal with flying.

Let's just say when I hear people coughing all around me, I hate it.  When the plane goes through horrible turbulence, I hate it.  If it gets too hot or if there are strange noises, I hate it.  I'm sure you get the point.

On our flight home, I made a comment to my 9 year old (who got the pleasure of sitting by me) that I HATED hearing all of the people coughing.  She pats my arm and says, "It's okay momma.  Remember, it's just a cold.  It's not a big deal."  Her wise words of wisdom made me laugh and commend her for her sage advice.  (It is noted here that I was NOT laughing two days later when I was bed-ridden with a fever and horrible body aches; I missed two additional days of work and it turned into a horrible sinus cold for two weeks!)

I really am amazed at how my daughters can be calm despite the fact that they have a mother who is a constant worrier.  At one point, there was an infant that was sitting across the aisle from us, in her mother's arms and she went through a horrible coughing spell.  My daughter was coloring, and without even looking up, she shakes her head and says, "Awww.  Poor baby."

 Our plane ended up having horrible turbulence, such that many people were holding onto the back of the seats in front of them, and several people were vomiting when we landed.  This led us to have many 'horror story' discussions with all of the people sitting around us as we were waiting to de-plane (such as landing gear that wouldn't go up after takeoff so they had to circle for hours and then had low fuel and had to land at a different airport to deplane; one that had turbulence so bad that all of the luggage fell out of the overhead bins and the pilot never explained anything, etc).  All of these stories simply add fuel to my dread of flying immensely.  I was just happy I heard them after we had landed and were home.

Putting fear aside, the view out the plane window is always pretty cool. Amazing how small it makes you feel in the world.

3.  I headed back to work after being out of the office for almost two weeks and was informed I had to move my desk location that day due to someone new starting.  Here are some of the comments I received for having to move again:

 - "You are the only one I know who has moved cubicles so many times without any of them being due to a promotion."  I said: instead of being the MVP I feel like the LVE (Least Valued Employee).
 - "There goes the neighborhood."
 - "Your next move will be out to the parking lot."
 - There were many references to the movie "Office Space" and the guy with the stapler.
 - "Oh, you actually moved here permanently? I thought it was an April Fools joke".

These were all said in a good natured spirit by people who I enjoy working with and who truly make me laugh.

I do have to say everyone in my new area was very friendly and welcoming and I even got a compliment that the "neighborhood just became friendlier and cube values went up".

4.  This is a total random entry, but I love it nonetheless.  I made egg salad with the leftover Easter hard boiled eggs.  I gave it to my daughter when her and I were home sick and she said, "I thought there was lettuce in egg salad!  Where's the lettuce?!"

5. One day of the vacation was beach day.  We were happy to see that the house we rented had 3 beach chairs that my mom, sister, and I could use.  We packed them in the car, carried them to the beach, and set up for an afternoon of lounging.  My sister sat down, and her chair (the blue one) immediately split down the middle.  I laughed and was all smug in my chair reading my book for about 10 minutes ... until BAM ... my butt hit the ground when my chair split wide open (the green one).  My mom (and her skinny butt) was able to enjoy the entire time at the beach, sitting comfortably in her chair, reading her book.

Laughingly Yours,

Me


Motivational Moment:

May you have days of pure bliss.

To My Nephew on his 18th Birthday!

My nephew recently turned 18 and as I searched for ideas for his present, I decided that I wanted to give some advice to a promising young man as he enters this next phase of his life and continues into adulthood.  As a woman and a mother to daughters, this is advice I wish I could instill in all young men entering adulthood.

Life advice to my nephew on his 18th birthday

For the college years

1. College is an awesome experience.  You get to attend classes with a schedule that you choose; you have much more freedom with your days then you have had in school thus far.  It is a very cool environment where you dictate what you do with your time every day.  It delays being in the “real world” that entails working full time.  Don’t screw it up.
2. Have fun yet be serious about your school work so that you can successfully graduate and get your degree.
3. Take pride in where you live and keep it neat; it will help you with your studies as well as with your friends.

For professional business life after college

4. Take your professional job seriously; however, be sure to laugh and make the day enjoyable for you and your co-workers.  Everyone who works full time, spends most of their day at work; if the environment is enjoyable, it will also be more productive; humans require connection and laughter is good for the soul.
5. Respect your co-workers and communicate nicely with them; no one likes working with a jerk.
6. If you are not happy in a job or in a career, then change it.  Life constantly evolves and so will you.

For life

7. Be Kind.
8. Respect Women always and in all things.
9. Don’t Ever Drink and Drive.
10. Stay True to Yourself.
11. Follow your passion.  There is a famous quote by Confucius: “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”
12. Love and Respect your parents, for they are the reason you exist.
13. Be Humble.  No one knows it all and no one likes anyone who acts like they do.
14. Be money smart; never spend more than you make.
15. Be Inquisitive.  Learning is an aspect of life that never ends.
16. Work Hard; Play Hard.
17. You only have one body; treat it well.
18. Be Happy.  You only get one life; live it well and enjoy it.

For the record, along with the 18 pieces of advice, I also provided gifts to my nephew, as I'm not that un-cool of an aunt.

With Best Wishes for a Wonderful Future to my Nephew,

Me


Motivational Moment:

I came across this article today on the wonderfully positive "MindBodyGreen" website: LINK.  The article is about "The 4th Trimester Bodies Project" which is a beautiful "documentary photo project" about what women look like after giving birth.  I think the project and the pictures are beautiful.

May you all be comfortable in the skin you are in.

Peace and hugs,
SG

Family Game Night

Today's blog is one of my Life’s Little LaughablesTM

When my daughters were babies, I heard a co-worker describe his family game night with his children.  It sounded so idyllic to me; a family having a weekly game night where they eat pizza and bond with laughter and good times over games.  I couldn't wait for my kids to be old enough to be able to play board games and for us to have a fun family game night.

Fast forward several years and I excitedly dived into our first evening of fun!  I quickly learned however, that reality did not quite match my idealistic expectations.  What was meant to be an evening of joviality ended up being an evening of frustration and short tempers.  I tried many different games over the course of the last several years, all having the same outcome.  That is, until my daughter's latest birthday a couple of weeks ago.  I am happy to say, we have a new favorite family game...one that we actually enjoy playing together: Telestrations.

The game is for 4 - 6 players.  Each player has a notepad.  They choose a subject from the card they have, write the name on the first page and pass it to the next player, who then has to draw the object on the next page.  The third person then gets the pad and has to guess what the image is and write it on the next page.  The best part of this game is the reveal at the end.  We love seeing how far from the original word the picture ends up being.  (Telestrations is kind of like the game 'Telephone' and Pictionary combined).  I have added a "Best Fails" sheet to the game box so that we can enjoy looking back at what previously caused us great laughter.  Here was one of our "Best Fails" from our last game:

The first person writes the word.

The second person does their best job at drawing the word.

The third person then has to guess the drawing. (I was the guesser for this one...I couldn't figure out what the 'mom' had on her head, but I sure noticed the mean face...perhaps my answer stemmed from a guilty conscience that I have been too crabby lately.)

The fourth person draws the previous word.  This depiction made me laugh out loud.  Now THAT is one ferocious momma!!

The fifth person guesses the previous drawing.  How my 9 year old got a dinosaur-like creature from a drawing of a person, REALLY had us all laughing out loud.

Enjoying the laughter and positive family bonding,

Me

Motivational Moment:

Today's Moment is dedicated to the newest member of my family...our 6 month old kitten:

May you always have new, intriguing adventures.

May you view the ordinary with a new perspective.

May you have a best bud you can simply hang with during your day.

May you always enjoy fabulous, restorative sleep!

Sweet dreams; sleep well.

SG

Embracing Life's Imperfections

This is an x-ray of my 12 year-old daughter's spine.  The only reason I can now appreciate the beauty in this imperfection, is that the pediatric orthopedic told me she is fine (no surgery required) and that she will live a completely normal life with this slight curve.  When I first saw the x-ray, I was absolutely terrified.  It came as a total shock for me as I had no idea anything was amiss.  I have since learned that the majority of scoliosis cases are discovered in females, in puberty, for that is when they experience the biggest growth spurt and this anomaly becomes noticeable.

Because I appreciate humor, I have to add that the doctor made me laugh by walking into the room and immediately upon seeing the x-ray said, "That's not impressive.  And believe me, you want to have an orthopedic surgeon say they are NOT impressed with your x-ray!"  I wanted to jump up and hug the woman!  She was very cool and pretty much made my day!

It is amazing what we take for granted in life.  We assume our children will be born healthy, have no health crises during infancy and childhood, and that they will make it safely into adulthood, living long, healthy lives.  This way of thinking may sound like I am living in a fairy tale, but then again, I really don't think anyone undertakes the journey of having children thinking of all the possible horrors life can throw at you.  In fact, NOT thinking about all that can go wrong, is probably the only way we should raise our kids, which is optimistically.  And, of course, there are no guarantees for a healthy life, but all we can do is take one day at a time and deal with whatever comes our way the best we can, with love and acceptance being our guides.

I have three daughters who have their imperfections (thankfully they are minor ones), but they are also three, very smart girls and each bring their own personalities and talents to this world.  I am blessed to have the privilege to raise these precious souls.  My job is to nurture them and love them with all my heart so that they can grow into their full potential for their life's journey.

Embracing My Journey One Discovery at a Time,

Me

Motivational Moment:

Today's Moment is one of my Life’s Little LaughablesTM:

We were ordering food at a drive-thru for lunch the other day and the parking lot is right by an intersection.  I was busy with ordering and was only paying attention to the drive-thru.  My 9 year-old all of a sudden asked the question: "Hey, aren't they L-walking??" I had no idea what she was talking about.  And then my 12 year-old said: "You mean Jaywalking?"  It made me laugh out loud because I certainly missed the connection to the appropriate saying.  When I looked, there indeed was a family walking across the street, far away from the cross-walk.  And after all, "J" is only two letters away from "L"; she was close to naming the occurrence correctly, so who can blame the kid?  ;-)

May you experience many laughs today!

Hugs and Love, SG