Damaged Souls

Damaged Souls.  Two words.  It always amazes me how simple words can inspire deep thoughts.  I heard these two words in a description for a movie and immediately knew I had to blog about them.

Isn't it true?  Aren't we all damaged souls in one way or another.  We either feel our childhood wronged us, or our adulthood has disappointed us or damaged us.  Along the way there are so many things (illnesses, deaths, injuries, heartbreaks, losses, etc. ) that can make us feel like damaged souls. These life experiences taint us, jade us, so to speak.

I have had the dis-pleasure of having the flu the past two weeks...and I still feel like crap!  I will be the first to admit that I do not handle being sick well.  If you knew me, you would think this was an understatement.  That old adage about men being babies when they are sick...well HA!  I don't think any man is a bigger baby than me.  I HATE being sick.  The quintessential worrier in me is always worried what the next step is...a higher fever, worse congestion, strep throat, etc  My flu started with the typical body aches and tiredness. I was able to function ok for a couple of days, and then the higher fever hit and I was bed bound for 3 days (right before Christmas of course) and then was just plain exhausted, and finally this nasty chest cough that is still plaguing me after 2 weeks.  (For the record, I was actually tested for the flu and it came back that I had both flu's.  Type A AND type B.  The doctor said she never sees someone have both at the same time; typically people just catch one.  Lucky me.)  Anyways, when I am feeling sick, I am always worried about getting worse.  I am sure I am heading towards pneumonia.  And then the worry feeds on itself.  What if I get something else while I am sick with this?  What if it had not been holiday time and I was missing all these work days (days that I don't even have available).  It terrifies me how much can go wrong.

And then the whole pity party starts.  My holidays were ruined.  I missed out on a lot of parties (work parties, my daughter's school party, a friend's holiday party) waaaaa...waaaa...waaaa.   So this is my version of a damaged soul.  The consummate worrier. I hate being sick, worried that it will lead to something horrible - requiring hospitalization and horrific meds.  I wish I could be one of those people who seem to have no fear; but that is not the right way to think either.  Isn't everyone always saying you need to embrace who you are; love yourself for the unique person you are?

And then when I think of the holidays being over and going back to full work-weeks for another year, I find it incredibly depressing.  And therein lies the second part of my damaged soul...not feeling passionate about my work.  I want to LOVE what I do everyday; I don't want it to be drudgery.  I want to look forward to every day and be excited about what I do.  Doesn't everyone feel this way?  Do other people love what they do; or do they not care that they don't; they do what they have to do to support themselves?

This is yet another one of those times I would love to interview all kinds of people.  What is the percentage of people who actually LOVE what they do and love going to work?  Is it 5%, 10%, 15%?  From the amount of people I know, I think the percentage is low for those who truly love what they do.  The majority of us feel work is drudgery.   We have to drag ourselves to work and drag through our days.  And what a complete waste of our life.  How depressing.  This is no way to live.

We are damaged, deluded, disappointed, distraught, devastated; overwhelmed; worried; unhappy.  Is it our faults?  Is it merely an attitude?  A way to look at your life and appreciate what you have?  Think of all of those who have it so much worse?  I don't know.  I wish it was a simple answer and a simple fix.  No one likes complainers; no one likes miserable people.  But is it realistic to think everyone is happy and carefree in this life?  I don't think so; there are just too many things that can bring you down.  Thinking about those that have it so much worse would only cause me worry that I will get to that same situation, whatever it might be.

Ahhh life.  What a journey.  And it is uniquely our own.

Damaged-ly Yours,

Me


Motivational Moment:

For this entry's motivational moment, I wanted to think of some happy things; brainstorm some life affirming moments after talking about life's damaging moments.

Pleasant surprises.  Elation.  Laughter.  Good Family.  Good Friends.  Good Times.  Good Food.

Enjoying the journey/the ride as much as the destination.

Seizing the moment.

Butterflies, kittens, puppies, new life, baby's full-bodied laughter, spring time, flowers.

The perfect gift, the perfect moment, the best vacation.

Enjoyment, fulfillment, contentment.  Staying forever young at heart.

And finally - the perfect piece of chocolate!!  Yum!  :)